ut do ye think, man alive, that
ye're goin' to do this be pourin' lard ile frim ye'er torch down ye'er
spine or thrippin' over sthreet-car tracks like a dhray-horse thryin' to
play circus? Is th' Constitution anny safer to-night because ye have to
have ye'er leg amputated to get ye'er boot off, or because Joyce has
made ye'er face look like th' back dure-step iv a German resthrant?

"Jawnny Mack took me down in th' afthernoon f'r to see th' monsthrous
p'rade iv th' goold men. It was a gloryous spectacle. Th' sthreets were
crowded with goold bugs an' women an' polismin an' ambulances. Th'
procission was miles an' miles long. Labor an' capital marched side be
side, or annyhow labor was in its usual place, afther th' capitalists.
It was a noble sight f'r to see th' employer iv workin'men marchin'
ahead iv his band iv sturdy toilers that to rest thimsilves afther th'
layboryous occupations iv th' week was reelin' undher banners that
dhrilled a hole in their stomachs or carryin' two-be-four joists to show
their allegance to th' naytional honor. A man that has to shovel coke
into a dhray or shove lumber out iv th' hole iv a barge or elevate his
profession be carryin' a hod iv mort to th' top iv a laddher doesn't
march with th' grace iv an antelope, be a blamed sight. To march well, a
man's feet have to be mates; an', if he has two left feet both runnin'
sideways, he ought to have interference boots to keep him fr'm settin'
fire to his knees. Whin a man walks as if he expected to lave a leg
stuck in th' sthreet behind him, he has th' gait proper f'r half-past
six o'clock th' avenin' before pay-day. But 'tis not th' prance iv an
American citizen makin' a gloryous spectacle iv himsilf."

"They were coerced," said Mr. Hennessy, gloomily.

"Don't ye believe it," replied the philosopher. "It niver requires
coercion to get a man to make a monkey iv himsilf in a prisidintial
campaign. He does it as aisily as ye dhrink ye'er liquor, an' that's too
aisy. Don't ye believe thim lads with lumber ya-ards on their necks an'
bar'ls on their feet was coerced. There wasn't wan iv thim that wudden't
give his week's wages f'r a chanst to show how many times he cud thrip
over a manhole in a mile. No more coerced than ye are whin ye r-run down
town an' make an ape iv ye-ersilf. I see ye marchin' away fr'm
Finucane's with th' Willum J. O'Briens. Th' man nex' to ye had a banner
declarin' that he was no slave. 'Twas th' la-ad Johnson. He was
r-righ