conscience upbraided me with having
committed adultery. I took to going to church more regularly, and
repeated the commandments emphatically.

I was now approaching nineteen years, was at home doing nothing but
study, and with scarcely a farthing of money. I tried to get into one
of our servant's unsuccessfully, she was a plain lass, but had a cunt,
which was all I wanted. I began to kiss and fondle her, which she
submitted to demurely. Then by surprise one day got my hand up her
clothes, and between her cunt-lips. She loudly screamed, which luckily
was unheard, for my mother was out. Her cunt felt wet, and I found from
my fingers afterwards that she was poorly built. She rushed downstairs
crying violently, the next day gave warning and left, much to my relief.
She never I am sure told my mother, but I was in a fright until she had
left.

I restrained myself from frigging, although sorely tempted to do so, and
luckily found cheaper and better relief. Having had but one gay woman,
and having a dread of them, neverthless, my mind involuntarily turned
to them, especially as I now defied my mother, stopped out of nights
latish, and consequently saw more of them. But I had no money.

Between London and our suburb, there were some lengths of road bounded
by fields, and only lighted by oil-lamps. At places small houses were
being built in side-roads, which were altogether without light. Gay
women of a poor class, were then of an evening about the darkest parts,
or they used to walk where the roads were lighter. They were of that
class who go with labouring men, and were not attractive, although
cleaner and better-looking than the same class now is.

One evening I worried an aunt out of two pounds, which I had with a
solitary shilling besides; and was returning, when a woman accosted me.
She walked by my side and talked, but I could not afford a soverign,
which was a much larger sum then than it now is, and a shilling seemed
to me a ridiculous sum, so I determined to run, for fear I should be
fool enough to let her have a soverign. "I can't," said, "good night, I
only have a shilling." "Make it two," said she. "I have not got more."
"Give it me then." I stopped in astonishment at the idea of her taking
such a trifle. "She is going to take it and go off," thought I, for
I had known such a thing, but I gave her the shilling and then stood
still. "Well, are you not going to have it?" said she, "make haste." It
was a dark night