er me that I ought not to try her.

But it brought my liason with Charlotte vividly to my recollection. The
first meeting, the glimpse of her cunt as she got down from the cart, my
first grope, our first poke, were now constantly before me; and I longed
with all my heart to have her again, though I knew it was hopeless.

Gradually my mind centered itself on Mary, and as I saw the resemblance
to her sister, I used to wonder how far the resemblance extended.
Whether her haunches were as large, her thighs as round, her cunt so
made, fringed, and dark, and so on; until I desired to have her, as much
for her resemblance to Charlotte, as for herself. Yet I had fear and
reluctance to make advances, because she was Charlotte's sister.

Meanwhile I was chaste, was in good health and wanted a woman awfully.
Then I had a wet dream; dreamed I had Charlotte in my arms, that she ran
away and left me with Mary, who pulled up her clothes, and invited me to
fuck her. Before I could get in to her, I awakened, found that I was on
my back and was spending on my night-gown.

I had heard much of these dreams, had had one partially, and now had
experienced a complete one. It threw me into a state of irritation,
but seemed to fix the hidden charms of Mary strongly in my imagination.
Desire so carried me away, that from gently rubbing and titillating
myself, I passed to frigging a discharge, whilst thinking of Mary's
cunt.

In the morning I had the enervation I have always since felt after these
dreams, and my usual disgust at having frigged myself; a feeling which
was not allayed when I looked at my night-shirt. I had a dread of
letting it be seen, but left things as they were. Mary and the cook made
my bed, and must have seen it. Servants see funny things on beds often.
I wonder what they say, and what they think about it. It can't be easy
for a young woman to see sheets, and night-gowns, spunk-stained; without
its effecting her imagination baudily, and paving the way for somebody
to stain sheets and linen with herself.

I gave up all idea of attacking Mary, but "cock and cunt will try to
get together." There is no use in resisting it. So again with no fixed
intention, but simply from pleasure for the time being, and impelled
by desire (all my silk handkerchiefs were gone and I was again without
money), and by opportunity, I got to courting, and we soon kissed. I had
pressed her belly against mine, got my hand on to the calf of her leg,