n from a phantom Muse,
Whose voice now faintly echoes from afar,
May come, and check his sordid conqueror's car,
E'en in its roll of victory, snatch the reins,
From Greed's foul hands and further havoc bar,
Say, _shall_ the Penny Steamer's petty gains,
Banish the Gondolier, and hush his cheery strains?

* * * * *

[Illustration: TENDER PASSAGES.

_He_ (_tenderly_). "YES; WHEN IT'S DONE AGAIN, YOU MUST REALLY SEE THE
BLONDIN DONKEY!"

_She_ (_sincerely_). "I WILL. I'LL LOOK OUT FOR IT, AND, WHEN I DO SEE
IT, I WILL THINK OF _YOU_!!"]

* * * * *

VIRTUES OF OMISSION.

PEOPLE--Mr. IMPREY, Mr. GEORGE SMITH (of Coalville), and others--are
actually to be found contending for the barren honour of having
invented that terrible nuisance of a catch-phrase, "Three Acres and a
Cow!" Strange and morbid perversion of ambition! As well fight for
the deep discredit of having been the first to hit upon such kindred
controversial horrors as the boring and question-begging "gags" of
"Law and Order," "Patriot first, and Party-man afterwards," "Hand over
to the tender mercies, &c.," "Disintegration of the Empire," or even
that most hackneyed of political phrases, "Grand Old Man" itself. Now,
if any one took credit to himself for never, never having uttered
the "Acre and Cow" Shibboleth, or made use of any others of these
soul-sickening bits of polemical claptrap, _Mr. Punch could_ understand,
and admire, and envy. There be things that _everybody_--possessed of
sense and sobriety--would "rather not have said."

* * * * *

THE WAY OF THE WIND.

_By an anxious Unionist._

[Mr. T. W. RUSSELL has formally withdrawn from the Unionist Party.]

Ah! sorely tossed is our poor "Union" bark,
We shall not get to port without a tussle.
They say the wind will change against us. Hark!
That wind seems rising; I can hear its RUSSELL.

* * * * *

A FIGHT FOR THE FORTY.--Sir EDWARD HAMLEY is, admittedly, one of the
greatest strategists the British Army possesses. Although in the prime
of life, this gallant officer will be "automatically retired," unless
he receives a military appointment before the end of October. It has
been suggested that he should be employed to work out a scheme for the
protection of London. This will be far easier work for him to do than
to have to frame a defenc