Friend._ "LOOK HERE,--CAN'T YOU TURN ON SOME WHISKEY IN THE SERVICE?
MY DEAR FELLOW, IT WOULD INFALLIBLY PREVENT WASTE!"]

* * * * *

THE WHISTLING RELIEF.

(_A Song for the Sleepy._)

"Baron H. DE WORMS informed Mr. LAWSON, that the Board of
Trade had communicated with some of the Railway Companies as
to the nuisance caused to the inhabitants of the Metropolis by
the constant use of railway whistles at night, and the Board
were assured that every effort would be made to reduce the
nuisance."--_Parliamentary Report._

AIR--"_The Whistlin' Thief._"

When one is tired or ill,
And fain asleep would be,
A whistle loud and shrill
Oft brings the "big, big D."
"DE WORMS," young LAWSON said,
"This whistling is a bore."
"All right," says the Baron; "don't you be afraid.
They'll whistle at night no more."

"I've lived a long time, Baron,"
Says _Punch_, "in the world, my dear,
But of a nuisance settled _at once_,
I never yet did hear.
Yet if you'll lessen nocturnal shines,
And let us sleep or think,
Your jolly good health all the commonwealth
In a bumper deep will drink."

* * * * *

ECCENTRIC CONDUCT OF A JOURNALIST ON THE SPREE.--The Editor of the
Berlin _Echo_ has offered a prize for the best Poem in praise of the
Mother-in-Law. This singular demand proves that the gentleman cannot
be married.

* * * * *

CHANGE OF NAME.

If thus Penny Papers are freely allowed
To fling right and left their absurd imputations,
To find a new name for the quill-driving crowd
Will surely be one of our first obligations.
The Penny-a-Liner for long has been known
As a genial gusher, a fine phrase-refiner;
But now that he false and malignant has grown,
We must call him "The Penny Maligner."

* * * * *

THE FLY AND THE FARMERS.

"The Hessian Fly is causing great alarm amongst the
agriculturists. Its extinction is attracting the attention of
the Faculty."--_Daily Paper._

[Illustration: Catching Perch with a Fly.]

Now we number the Potato
Beetle 'mong the scares gone by;
But a cuss has found its way to
Fields of corn--the Hessian Fly.
_Unde derivatur_ "Hessian"?
Named from whence the fly had flown,
Under quite a wrong impression,
No such thing in Hesse's known.