n others. They conduct their love affairs in
an even more tragic style. In every event matrimony is a tragedy, but
in the case of spiders it is a catastrophe. Spiders are a very sour
and pessimistic people who live in walls, corners of hotel bedrooms and
holes generally, in which places they weave very delicate webs, and sit
for a long period in a state of philosophic ecstasy, contemplating the
infinite. Their principal pastimes are killing flies and committing
suicide--both of which games should be encouraged. Like so many other
unhappy creatures they are born with a gender from which there is no
escape. The male spider is very much smaller than the female, and he
does not care greatly for his life. When he does not desire to live
any longer he commits matrimony or suicide. He weds a large and fierce
wife, who, when in expectation of progeny, kills him, and, being a
thorough-going person as all females are, she also eats him, possibly
at his own request, and thus she relieves her husband of the tedium of
existence and herself of the necessity for seeking immediate victual.
I do not know whether male spiders are very plentiful or extremely
scarce, but I cite this as an example of the extravagance and economy
of the female gender.

"Of the courting habits of fish I have scanty knowledge. Fish are very
ugly, dirty creatures who appear to live entirely in water, and they
have been known to follow a ship for miles in the disgusting hope of
garbage being thrown to them by the steward. Their chief pastime is
weighing each other, for which purpose they are liberally provided with
scales. They can be captured by nets, or rods and lines, or, when they
are cockles, they can be captured by the human hand, but, in this
latter case, they cannot be tamed, having very little intelligence.
The cockle has no scale, and feels the deprivation keenly, hiding
himself deep in the sea and seldom venturing forth except at
night-time. He is composed of two shells and a soft piece, is chiefly
useful for poisoning children and is found at Sandymount, a place where
nobody but a cockle would live. Other fish may be generally described
as, crabs, pinkeens, red herrings and whales. How these conduct their
matrimonial adventures I do not know--the statement that whales are
fond of pinkeens is true only in a food sense, for these races have
never been observed to intermarry.

"A great many creatures capture or captivate their mates by
singing.--These