ly be looked at if he dances very well or very badly. Both
of these extremities of perfection ought to be avoided. We should
exercise our very bad or very good qualities in solitude lest average
people be saddened by their disabilities in either direction. Let your
curses be as private as your prayers for both are purgative operations.
In public we must conform to the standard, in private only may we do
our best or our worst. Acting so, we will be freed from false pride
and cowardly self-consciousness. Let us be brave. Let us caress the
waists of our neighbours without fear. Let everybody's chin be our
toy. Let us pat one another on the hats as we pass in the melancholy
streets.--Thus only shall we learn to be gay and careless who for so
long have been miserable and suspicious. We will be fearless and
companionable who have been so timid and solitary. A new, a better, a
real police force will arrest people who don't dance as they travel to
and from their labour. The world will be happy at last, and
civilisation will begin to be possible."

Here, in an ecstasy of good-fellowship, the old gentleman seized his
pewter with his left hand and my glass with his right hand, and he
emptied them both before recognising his mistake. I had, however, run
out of tobacco, whereupon he became very angry, and refused to bid me
good-night.

III

The old gentleman condescended to accept the last cigar which I had,
and, having lit it with my only match, he earnestly advised me never to
smoke to excess, because this indulgence brought spots before the eyes,
deteriorated the moral character, and was, moreover, exceedingly
expensive.--On the subject of smoking and tobacco he spoke as follows--

"I have observed that people who do not smoke are usually of a sour and
unsociable disposition. All red-haired people smoke naturally, and
they almost invariably use cut-plug. Very dark-haired men smoke twist,
and their natural strength and virtue is such that in the intervals of
smoking they also chew tobacco. Fair-haired men generally smoke
cigarettes--they do this, not for the purpose of enjoyment, but purely
in imitation of their betters. However, in later life, when they
become bald, as they invariably do, they also became regenerate and
smoke pig-tail. Men with mouse-coloured hair do not smoke at all.
They collect postage stamps and sea-shells, and are usually to be found
sitting round a fire with other girls eating chocolates and seeking f