the
Ollyoola Love Dance went into the bill the "Incandescent" would be "placed
out of bounds"! What do you, _do_ you think of that, _m'amie_? A piece of
sheer _artistry_ like the Ollyoola Love Dance to be treated so! And it's
wonderful not only artistically but scientifically. Each of dear Sybil's
amazing wriggles and squirms and crouches and springs is _absolutely_
true--_exactly_ what an Ollyoola _does_ when it's in love.

We're all glad to think we can _still_ see the Ollyoola Love Dance at War
Fund matinees.

Ever thine,
BLANCHE.

* * * * *

THE SECRETS OF THE SALES.

"A splendid line in corsets, in fine white coutil, usually sold at 14s.
11d., are offered sale at 17s. 11d. each."--_Fashions for All._

* * * * *

"BRITISH HARRY THE ENEMY."--_Provincial Paper._

And all this time the Germans have been under the impression that it was
British Tommy.

* * * * *

[Illustration: ALIMENTARY INTELLIGENCE.

MR. PUNCH. "DO YOU CONTROL FOOD HERE?"

COMMISSIONAIRE. "WELL, SIR, 'CONTROL' IS PERHAPS RATHER A STRONG WORD. BUT
WE GIVE HINTS TO HOUSEHOLDERS, AND WE ISSUE 'GRAVE WARNINGS.'"

(Mr. Punch, however, is glad to note that more drastic regulations are
about to be enforced.)]

* * * * *

THE WATCH DOGS.

LIX.

MY DEAR CHARLES,--Reference the German withdrawal. The matter is proceeding
in machine-like order, and one of the first great men to cross No-Man's
Land was myself in the noblest of cars. It was, I confess, a purely
temporary and fortuitous arrangement which put me in such a conveyance, but
I had the feeling that it was excellently fitted to my particular form of
greatness, and there were moments when I was so enamoured of it that I was
on the verge of getting into a hole with it and staying hid there till the
end of the War. Just the right hole was provided at every cross-roads, but
the driver wouldn't try them and went round by the fields.

Of the flattened villages and the severed fruit-trees you will have read as
much as I have seen. It's a gruesome business, but one charred village is
much like another, and the sight is, alas, a familiar one nowadays. For me
all else was forgotten in speechless admiration of the French people. Their
self-restraint and adaptability are beyond words. These hundreds of honest
people, just relieved from the domineering of the Master S