s by advancing with 'is tanks,
And started 'ome to draw his D.S.O.

When ST. GEORGE 'e went a-ridin' all naked through the lands--
You can see 'im on the back of 'arf-a-quid--
'E spiked the fiery dragon with a spear in both 'is 'ands,
But to-day, if 'e 'd to do what then he did,
'E 'd roll up easy in an armoured car,
'E 'd loose off a little Lewis gun,
Then 'e 'd 'oist the scaly dragon upon a G.S. wagon
And cart 'im 'ome to show the job was done.

Then there weren't no airyplanes and there weren't no bombs and guns;
You just biffed the opposition on the 'ead.
If the world could take all weapons from the British and the 'Uns,
Could scrap the steel, the copper and the lead;
If we fought it out with pick-'andles and fists,
If the good old times would only come agin,
When there weren't no dirty trenches with their rats and lice and
stenches,
Why, a month 'ud see us whoopin' through Berlin!

* * * * *

SPOOP.

A REPERTORY DRAMA IN ONE ACT.

["A repertory play is one that is unlikely to be repeated."--_Old
Saying_.]

CHARACTERS.

_John Bullyum, J.P._ (Member of the Town Council of Mudslush).
_Mrs. Bullyum_ (his wife).
_Janet_ (their daughter).
_David_ (their son).

SCENE.--_The living-room of a smallish house in the dullest street of a
provincial suburb._ [_N.B.--This merely means that practically any
scenery will do, provided the wall-paper is sufficiently hideous.
Furnish with the scourings of the property-room--a great convenience
for Sunday evening productions._] _The room contains rather less than
the usual allowance of doors and windows, thus demonstrating a fine
contempt for stage traditions. An electric-light, disguised within a
mid-Victorian gas-globe, occupies a conspicuous position on one wall.
You will see why presently. When the curtain rises_ Janet, _an awkward
girl of any age over thirty_ (_and made up to look it_) _is seated
before the fire knitting. Her mother, also knitting, faces her. The
appearance of the elder woman contains a very careful suggestion of the
nearest this kind of play ever gets to low-comedy._

_Janet_ (_glancing at clock on mantelpiece_). It's close on nine. David is
late again.

_Mrs. B._ He's aye late these nights. 'Tis the lectures at the Institute
that keeps him.

[_N.B.--Naturally both women speak with a