.
He is intrepid. He has no reluctances. Where we in Italy would, at the
most, say to the _cameriere_, "_Portaci una tazza di caffe_," and think
ourselves lucky to get it, he lures the London waiter to invite a
disquistion on the precious berry. Thus, he begins: "Coffi is rI-marchebl
for iZ verE stim-iuletin propeRtE. Du ju no hau it uos discovvaRd?" The
waiter very promptly and properly saying, "No, Sor," the Italian unloads
as follows: "Uel, ai uil tel ju thet iZ discovvare is sed tu hev bin
ochesciont bai thi folloin sorcomstanZ. Som gotS, hu brauS-t op-on thi
plent from huicc thi coffi sids aR gathaRd, ueaR observ-D bai thi
gothaRds tu bi echsidinglE uechful, end ofn tu chepaR ebaut in thi nait;
thi praioR Ov e nebArin monnastErE, uiscin tu chip his monchs euech et
theaR mat-tins, traid if thi coffi ud prodiuS thi sem effecht op-on them,
es it uos observ-D tu du op-on thi gotS; thi soch-ses ov his echsperiment
led tu thi appresciescion ov iZ valliu."

A little later a London bookseller has the temerity to place some of the
latest fiction before our chatty alien, but pays dearly for his rash act.
In these words did the Italian let him have it:--"Ai du not laich nov-els
et ol, bico-S e nov-el is bat e fichtiscios tel stof-T ov so menE
fantastical dids end nonsensical worDs, huicc opset maind end haRt.
An-heppe tho-S an-uerE jongh persons, hu spend theaR pre-scios taim in
ridin nov-els! The du not no thet nov-ellists, gennerallE spichin, aR thi
laitest end thi most huim-sical raittaRs, hu hev uested end uest theaR
laif in liudnes."

English people abroad do not, as a rule, drop aphorisms by the way; but
our Italian loves to do so. Thus, to one stranger (in the section devoted
to Virtues and Vices), he remarks, "Uith-aut Riligion ui sciud bi uorS
then bists." To another, "Thi igotist spichs continniuallE ov himself end
mechs himself thi sentaR ov evverE thingh." And to a third, a little
tactlessly perhaps, "Impolait-nes is disgostin." He is sententious even
to his hatter: "E het sciud bi proporscionD tu thi hed end person, for it
is laf-ebl tu si e laRgg het op-on e smol hed, end e smol het op-on e
laRgg hed." But sometimes he goes all astray. He is, for instance,
desperately ill-informed as to English law. In England, he tells us, and
believes the pathetic fallacy, "thi trens start end arraiv verE
pongh-ciuAllE, othaR-uais passen-giaRs hu arraiv-let for theaR bis-nes
cud siu thi CompAnE for dem-egg-S."

He is calm a