nd collected in an emergency. Thus, to a lady who has burst
into flames, "Bi not efred, Madam," he says, "thi faiR hes cot jur gaun.
Le daun op-on thi floR, end ju uil put aut thi faiR uith jur hendS." His
presence of mind saves him from using his own hands for the purpose.
Resourcefulness is indeed as natural to him as to Sir CHRISTOPHER WREN in
the famous poem. "Uilliam," he says to his man, "if enEbodE asch-s for
mi, ju uil se thet ai scel bi bech in e fort-nait."

He meets Miss Butterfield.

"Mis BottaRfild," he says, "uil ju ghiv mi e glas ov uotaR, if ju pliS?"
And that is the end of the lady. Or I think so. But there is just a
possibility that it is she (no longer Miss Butterfield, but now a
Signora) whom he rebukes in a coffee-house: "Mai diaR, du not spich ov
pollitichs in e Coffi-Haus, for no travvEllaR, if priudent, evvaR tochs
ebaut pollitichs in poblich." And again it may be for Miss Butterfield
that he orders a charming present (first saying it is for a lady): "Ghiv
mi thet ripittaR set uith rubes, thet straich-S thi aurS end thi
haf-aurS."

Finally he embarks for Australia and quickly becomes as human as the rest
of us. "Thi uind," he murmurs uneasily, "is raisin. Thi si is verE rof.
Thi mo-scion ov thi Stim-bot mech-S mi an-uel. Ai fil verE sich. Mai hed
is diZZE. Ai hev got e hed-ech." But he assures a fellow- passenger that
there is no cause for fear, even if a storm should come on. "Du not bi
alaRmD," he says; "theaR is no dengg-aR. Thi Chep-ten ov this Stima-R is
e verE clevaR men."

His last words, addressed apparently to the rest of the passengers as
they reach Adelaide, are these: "Let os mech hest end go tu thi
Costom-HauS tu hev aur logh-eggS ech-samint. In OstrelIa, thi Costom-HauS
OffIsaRs aR not hottE, bat verE polait."

* * * * *

[Illustration: "I AIN'T ENOUGH PAPER TO WROP HIM UP, MISTER; BUT NO ONE'LL
NOTICE A NOOD WURZEL IN WAR-TIME."]

* * * * *

EMERGENCY RATIONS.

In our village many disruptions have been wrought by the War, but nothing
has ever approached the state of turveydom which came in with the system of
daily rations.

Margery brought home the first news of the revolution.

"Most extraordinary thing," she said. "The Joneses have got the two old
Miss Singleweeds staying with them."

"What!" I exclaimed, swallowing my ration of mammalia in one astonished
gulp. "Why, only two or three days ago Jones told