Member with a newspaper occupying the Tribune._

_Member_. I ask if the report in this paper is true? It calls the
Minister a scoundrel! [_Frantic applause._

_President_. I must interpose. It is not right that such a document
should be read.

_Member_. But it is true. I hold in my hand this truth-telling sheet.
(_Shouts of_ "_Well done_!") This admirable journal describes
the Minister as a trickster, a man without a heart! [_Yells of
approbation._

_President_. I warn the Member that he is going too far. He is
outraging the public conscience. ["_Hear! hear_!"

_Member_. It is you that outrage the public conscience. [_Sensation._

_President_. This is too much! If I hear another word of insult, I
will assume my hat.

[_Profound and long-continued agitation._

_Member_. A hat is better than a turned coat! (_Thunders of
applause._) I say that this paper is full of wholesome things, and
that when it denounces the Minister as a good-for-nothing, as a
slanderer, as a thief--it does but its duty.

[_Descends from the Tribune amidst tumultuous applause, and is
met by the Minister. Grand altercation, with results._

_Minister's Friends_. What have you done to him?

_Minister_ (_with dignity_). I have avenged my honour--I have hit him
in the eye!

[_Scene closes in upon the Minister receiving hearty
congratulations from all sides of the Chamber._

* * * * *

PRESERVED VENICE.

(_SPECIALLY IMPORTED FOR THE LONDON MARKET._)

A SATURDAY NIGHT SCENE AT OLYMPIA.

IN THE PROMENADE.

_A Pessimistic Matron_ (_the usual beady and bugle-y female, who
takes all her pleasure as a penance_). Well, they may _call_ it
"Venice," but _I_ don't see no difference from what it was when
the Barnum Show was 'ere--except--(_regretfully_)--that then they
'ad the Freaks o' Nature, and Jumbo's skelinton!

[Illustration: "I'm sure I'm 'ighly flattered, Mum, but I'm already
suited."]

_Her Husband_ (_an Optimist--less from conviction than
contradiction_). There you go, MARIA, finding fault the minute you've
put your nose inside! We ain't _in_ Venice yet. It's up at the top o'
them steps.

_The P.M._ Up all them stairs? Well, I 'ope it'll be worth seeing when
we _do_ get there, that's all!

_An Attendant_ (_as she arrives at the top_). Not this door,
Ma'am--next entrance for Modern Venice.

_The Opt. Husb._ You needn't go all the way down again, when the steps
join like th