at!

_The P.M._ I'm not going to walk sideways--_I_'m not a crab, JOE,
whatever _you_ may think. (_JOE assents, with reservations_). Now
wherever have those other two got to? 'urrying off that way! Oh,
_there_ they are. 'Ere, LIZZIE and JEM, keep along o' me and Father,
do, or we shan't see half of what's to be seen!

_Lizzie_. Oh, all right, Ma; don't you worry so! (_To JEM, her
fiance_.) Don't those tall fellows look smart with the red feathers in
their cocked 'ats? What do they call _them_?

_Jem_ (_a young man, who thinks for himself_). Well, I shouldn't
wonder if those were the parties they call "Doges"--sort o' police
over there, d'ye see?

_Lizzie_. They're 'andsomer than 'elmets, I will say _that_ for them.
(_They enter Modern Venice, amidst cries of "This way for Gondoala
Tickets! Pass along, please! Keep to your right!"_ &c., &c.) It _does_
have a foreign look, with all those queer names written up. Think it's
like what it is, JEM?

_Jem_. Bound to be, with all the money they've spent on it. I daresay
they've idle-ised it a bit, though.

_The P.M._ Where are all these kinals they talk so much about? I don't
see none!

_Jem_ (_as a break in the crowd reveals a narrow olive-green
channel_). Why, what d'ye call _that_, Ma?

_The P.M._ That a kinal! Why, you don't mean to tell me any barge
'ud--

_The Opt. Husb._ Go on!--you didn't suppose you'd find the Paddington
Canal in _these_ parts, did you? This is big enough for all
_they_ want. (_A gondola goes by lurchily, crowded with pot-hatted
passengers, smoking pipes, and wearing the uncomfortable smile of
children enjoying their first elephant-ride._) That's one o' these
'ere gondoalers--it's a rum-looking concern, ain't it? But I suppose
you get _used_ to 'em--(_philosophically_)--like everything else!

_The P.M._ It gives me the creeps to look at 'em. Talk about
_'earses_!

_The Opt. Husb._ Well, look 'ere, we've come out to enjoy
ourselves--what d'ye say to having a ride in one, eh?

_The P.M._ You won't ketch me trusting _my_self in one o' them tituppy
things, so don't you deceive yourself!

_The Opt. Husb._ Oh, it's on'y two foot o' warm water if you do
tip over. _Come_ on! (_Hailing Gondolier, who has just landed his
cargo._) 'Ere, 'ow much'll you take the lot of us for, hey?

_Gondolier_ (_gesticulating_). Teekits! you tek teekits--la--you vait!

_Jem_. He means we've got to go to the orfice and take tickets and
stand in a cue, d'yer see