ill I live my life,
With you, my Cigarette, to cheer me.

* * * * *

[Illustration: SOMETHING WRONG SOMEWHERE.

"HOW CHARMING YOU LOOK, DEAR MRS. BELLAMY--AS USUAL! _WOULD_ YOU MIND
TELLING ME WHO MAKES YOUR LOVELY FROCKS? I'M _SO_ DISSATISFIED WITH MY
DRESSMAKER!"

"OH, CERTAINLY. MRS. CHIFFONNETTE, OF BOND STREET."

"CHIFFONNETTE! WHY, I'VE BEEN TO HER FOR YEARS! THE WRETCH! I WONDER
WHY SHE SUITS YOU SO MUCH BETTER, NOW!"]

* * * * *

A TALK OVER THE TUB;

_OR, LEGAL LAUNDRESSES IN COUNCIL._

["The whole legal machinery is out of gear, and the country is
too busy to put it right."--_Law Times_.]

_A LEADING LAUNDRESS._

Wich I say, Missis 'ALSBURY, Mum,
We are all getting into a quand'ry;
You and me can no longer be dumb,
Seein' how we're the heads of the Laundry:
It is all very well to stand 'ere,
Sooperintending the soaping and rinsing;
Old pleas for delay, I much fear,
Are no longer entirely conwincing.
Just look at the Linen--in 'eaps!
And no one can say it ain't dirty!
Our clients, a-grumbling they keeps,
And some of 'em seem getting shirty.
Wotever, my dear, shall we do?
Two parties 'as axed me that question;
And now I just puts it to _you_,
And I 'ope you can make some suggestion.

_HEAD LAUNDRESS._

My dear Missis COLEY, I own
_I_ ain't heard from the parties you 'int at.
But them Linen-'eaps certny _has_ grown,
Wich their bulk I 'ave just took a squint at.
We sud, and we rub, and we scrub.
And the pile 'ardly seems to diminish.
It tires us poor Slaves of the Tub,
And the doose only knows when we'll finish,

_A LEADING LAUNDRESS._

Percisely, my dear, but it's _that_,
As the Public insists upon knowin',
Missis MATHEW 'as told me so, pat,
Wich likeways 'as good Missis BOWEN.
You can't floor their argyments, quite,
'Owsomever you twirl 'em or 'twist 'em;
They say, and I fear they are right,
There is somethink all wrong with our System!

_HEAD LAUNDRESS._

_Our_ System! Well, well, my good soul,
You know 'twasn't _us_ as inwented it.
We wouldn't have got into this 'ole,
If _you_ and _me_ could 'ave perwented it.
I know there's no end of a block,
That expenses is running up awfully;
The sight of it gives me a shock,
But 'ow can we alter it--_lawfully_?

_A LEADING LAUNDRESS._