But a Beak ain't no Physician.
Wot's this 'ere, Sir? wot's this 'ere?
You call yerself a gentleman? yer Snob!
He wasn't bled:
And I was let in for forty bob,
Or a month, instead:
And I caught the lumbago in the brain--
I've been confined--
But never you mind--
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! I ain't hinsane.

Vot his this 'ere? Can't no one tell?
It sets my ed a spinnin--
The QUEEN'S eye winks--it aint no sell--
The QUEEN'S ed keeps a grinnin:
Ha, ha! 'twas guv
By the cove I druv--
I vunders for wot e meant it!
For e sez to me,
E sez, sez e,
As I ort to be contented!
Wot did yer say, Sir, wot did yer say?
My fare!--wot, that!
Yer knocks me flat.
Hit in the vind!--I'm chokin--give us air--
My fare? Ha, ha! My fare? Ho, ho! My fare?
Call that my fare for drivin yer a mile?
I ain't hinsane--not yet--not yet avile!--
Wot makes yer smile?
My blood is bilin' in a wiolent manner!
Wot's this I've got?
Show us a light--
This ere is--wot?--
There's sunthin the matter with my sight--
It is--yes!--No!--
'Tis, raly, though--
Oh, blow! blow! blow!--
Ho, ho, ho, ho! it is, it is a Tanner!

* * * * *

Parliamentary Parallels.

"MR. SPOONER presented a petition from parishes in Wiltshire against
the opening of the Crystal Palace on Sundays."

Suppose MR. LUCAS were to present a petition from parishes in Meath,
praying for the closure of butchers' shops on Fridays?

* * * * *

[Illustration: A PHOTOGRAPHIC POSITIVE.

_Lady Mother (loquitur)._ "I shall feel obliged to you, MR. SQUILLS, if
you would remove these stains from my daughter's face. I cannot persuade
her to be sufficiently careful with her Photographic Chemicals, and she
has had a misfortune with her Nitrate of Silver. Unless you can do
something for her, she will not be fit to be seen at LADY MAYFAIR'S
to-night."

[MR. SQUILLS _administers relief to the fair sufferer, in the shape of
Cyanide of Potassium_.]]

* * * * *

SONGS OF THE MENDICANTS.

No. 1.--THE SAILOR BEGGAR'S SONG.

I'm a jolly London sailor;
Gaily still I keep afloat,
With the picture of a Whaler,
And the model of a boat.
True, I ne'er was on the Ocean,
But I've travelled wide and far,
Kept by the police i