ERMAN.

And did you ne'er hear of a jolly old Waterman
Who at the cabstand used for to ply?
He feathered his nest with the passenger's halfpennies,
Smoking his pipe, with a drop in each eye.
He looked so drunk--yet stood so steadily.
The drivers all flocked to his stand so readily;
And he eyed the old rogues with so knowing an air,
For this Waterman knew they would cheat every fare.

What sights of gents drunk and incapable, very,
He'd clean out so nice, and politely withal,
As he called the first cab, when the finely-dressed victims
Came staggering out from Cremorne or Vauxhall,
And oftentimes would they be quizzing and queering,
And 'twas all one to TOM, all this chaffing and jeering:
For laughing or chaffing he little did care,
For this Waterman wished but to rifle the fare.

And yet but to see how strangely things happen,
As he jogged along, thinking of nothing at all,
He was caught by a Cab Act so awfully stringent,
That it caused all the tricks of the cab stand to fall.
But would this old Waterman feel proper sorrow,
For all his old tricks, and turn honest to-morrow;
And should this old Waterman act with more care,
He'll be licensed, and never impose on a fare.

* * * * *

THE AMERICAN CUPID.

A young lady calls MR. HOBBS, CUPID, because CUPID is LOVE, and LOVE, as
the proverb says, laughs at locksmiths, and so does MR. HOBBS.

* * * * *

A CABMAN'S IDEA OF A FARE.--A cheque on a Banker.

* * * * *

[Illustration: PORTRAIT OF AN OFFICER IN THE BLUES.]

* * * * *

CURE FOR THE CONSCIENCE MONEY MANIA.

Really the Conscience Money Mania is becoming quite a nuisance. Every
day, almost, the _Times_ contains some such announcement as this:--

"The CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER acknowledges the receipt of
half-notes value L15, for unpaid Income Tax."

A good healthy conscience is the noblest point in the character of that
noblest work of creation--an honest man. But a diseased conscience is as
bad as a rotten potato; it is worse than no conscience at all: some
degrees below mere dishonesty. This kind of conscience makes people pay
omitted Income Tax. They shouldn't do so. It is really quite immoral.
The Income Tax is acknowledged to be an imposition by GLADSTONE himself,
insomuch that he has even made arrangemen