he spirit of etiquette, they have read the rules it
prescribes, and act up to them as far as their memories serve them; but
they have failed in one essential particular of understanding that
courtesy, consideration towards others, and unselfishness, are the
sources of true politeness from which etiquette springs.

There is an idea amongst some few people who have mixed little in the
world, and moved but in one fixed groove, that the more exalted the
sphere, the more perfect the manners. It is needless to attempt to
refute such a fallacy as this, for examples of the most perfect manner
are to be met with not only amongst those who can boast of long lineage
and high birth, but also amongst those who lay claim to neither.

Our present code of etiquette is constructed upon the refinement,
polish, and culture of years, of centuries. Wealth and luxury, and
contact with all that is beautiful in art and nature, have in all ages
exercised a powerful influence on the manners of men; we do not say on
the times, as unfortunately these advantages did not reach down to the
many but were confined to the strictly few; but in these modern days the
many have come, and still come, within the charmed circle; the ring
broadens, ever widens; it is not now as in olden days that "their lot
forbade." On the contrary, the possession of wealth or of talent is the
open sesame to the most refined and cultured circles. The word etiquette
is too narrow for all it embraces; it must be viewed in a double light,
and be taken from a moral point as well as from a conventional one. A
kindly nature, and an unselfish spirit are never wanting in true
politeness, but the conventionalities of society give the finish and
completeness to the whole, the colour, as it were, to the picture. In
some the conventional spirit is uppermost and they have at best but a
surface polish. In others the kindly feelings of the heart are allowed
full play, and no act of genuine politeness is omitted or left undone in
their intercourse with their fellows, and these graces of kindly
politeness linger in the memory, trivial though they may have been,
years after one has lost sight of this true gentleman or thorough lady,
and one says of him, "What a charming man he was, how courteous and
considerate, and how kind!" and of her, "She was the sweetest and
prettiest-mannered woman I ever met."

It is only given to the very few to be thoroughly and unaffectedly
charming without a shado