nistration of the oath in Courts of Justice is apt to become
perfunctory, and some sheriffs shorten the formula, so that it is
administered somewhat after this fashion: "I swearbalmitygod, that I
will tell the truth, the wholetruth, anothingbuthetruth." There is one
sheriff more punctilious, and recently he administered the oath to a
female witness, making her recite it in sections after him. "I swear by
Almighty God" (pause). Witness: "I swear by Almighty God."--"As I shall
answer to God." Witness: "As I shall answer to God."--"At the Great Day
of Judgment." The witness stumbled over this clause, and the sheriff had
to repeat it twice. As she ran more glibly over the concluding words,
the sheriff remarked: "It's extraordinary how many people come to this
Court who seem never to have heard of that great occasion."

This is what took place in a Glasgow Court. Sheriff: "Repeat this after
me, 'I swear by Almighty God.'" Witness: "I swear by Almighty God."
Sheriff: "I will tell the truth." Witness: "I will tell the truth."
Sheriff: "The whole truth." Witness: "I HOPE so!"

In Edinburgh Sheriff Small Debt Court the oath was administered to a
witness who was dull of hearing. "I swear by Almighty God," said the
sheriff. The witness put his hollowed hand to his ear and asked: "Wha
dae ye sweer by?" Many Court reporters have heard a witness swear to
tell "the truth, the whole truth, and anything but the truth"; and one
old lady (mistaking certain words recited by the judge) affirmed her
determination to tell the truth "with a great deal of judgment."

* * * * *

As we indicated at the beginning of this volume, stories of wit and
humour from the ranks of agents in the legal profession are much rarer
than in those of the Bench and the Bar. From the _Court of Session
Garland_ we quote the following relating to a worthy practitioner in the
days when Councillor Pleydell played "high jinks" in his favourite
tavern.

In old times some stray agents in Scotland might be found who were not
particularly distinguished for professional attainments, and who
sometimes could not "draw" a paper as it is termed. One of these
worthies was impressed with the idea that his powers were equal to the
preparation of a petition for the appointment of a factor. His clerk was
summoned, pens, ink, and paper placed before him, and the process of
dictation commenced: "Unto the Right Honourable." "Right Honourable,"
echoed t