rest. Education
without effort. Containing 25 animals, all
perfectly drawn."--_Advt. in Glasgow Paper._

Not at all a bad description.

* * * * *

"The Oxford University forwards created a very favourable
impression against Major Stanley's XV. at Oxford yesterday, and
were not to blame for the defeat of the University by 2 placed
girls...."--_Daily Paper._

Here's to the maidens of STANLEY'S XV.!

* * * * *
[Illustration: =THE HANDY LITTLE CAR.=]

* * * * *
THE PLACE OF THE TROMBONE IN THE BAND.

When I speak of the place of the trombone in the band I am not
referring to his site or locality. That is for the conductor to
settle. My purpose is to give an intelligent reply to the oft-quoted
query, "Why the trombone?"

Everybody knows that it is not in the band for musical purposes. It
is not a musical instrument. The man who could extract music from a
trombone could get grapes out of a coal-mine.

No, its _raison d'etre_ is mostly critical and punitive. It is there
to see that the orchestra does its job and to put the fear of a
hectic hereafter into the man who is out of step with his
fellow-conspirators.

The uninformed have a vague idea that the conductor should do that
with his little stick. But I put it to you, what use would a little
stick be against a man like the big drum? A meat-axe would have some
point, but the difficulties of conducting with a meat-axe will be
obvious to even the least musical.

When the French horn, in the throes of a liver attack, sees
supplementary spots on the score and plays them with abandon, or when
the clarionet (or clarinet), having inadvertently sucked down a fly
which in an adventurous mood has strolled into one of those little
holes in the instrument, coughs himself half out of his evening
clothes, does the conductor forsake his air of austerity and
use language unbefitting a solemn occasion? Does he pick up his
music-stand and hurl it at the offender? He does not. It would be a
breach of etiquette.

He simply signals to the trombone, who promptly turns the exit part
of his instrument on the culprit and gives a bray that makes the
unfortunate man's shirt-front crumple up like a concertina. That is
discipline.

Then again the trombone is employed as a sort of brake when in a
moment of excitement the rest of the orchestra has a tendency to
overdo th