you are human after all. You can quote at
random from DICKENS. You read him?"

"I do. When not engaged in business pursuits." He looked anxiously at
the clock.

"Who was _Mrs. Chickenstalker_?" I asked sternly.

"She kept a shop. In _The Haunted Man_."

"Whom did _Mr. Wopsle_ marry?"

"Nobody. But hadn't you better see about your watch?"

"Not yet. How many glasses of punch did _Mr. Pickwick_ drink on One
Tree Hill?"

"Depends on how you count them. I make it eight."

"Correct. Look here--have you thought about the bagman's story--the
first one? He says it is eighty years since the events he relates took
place, and that would carry it back to 1747. And yet the traveller
damns his straps and whiskers. Why, if he'd worn strapped trousers and
whiskers in those days he'd have had a mob after him."

"Yes, and he wouldn't have been driving a gig on Marlborough downs.
He'd have been riding with pistols in his holsters, wrapped in a
horseman's cloak and wearing a plain bobwig. I've thought of that
too."

"I see you have. But there's another--"

"Let me. Can you account for this? _Martin Chuzzlewit_ left _Mr.
Pecksniff's_ house in the late autumn--say the last of November to
be on the safe side. He stays five weeks in London and then goes
to America--say another five weeks. Then, after a week in _Major
Pawkins_' boarding-house, he goes to a place which is identified as
the original site of Cairo, Illinois--say another week. This would
land him there at the end of February, when everything is frozen
stiff. But they travelled down the river in a heat that blistered
everything it touched."

"No," I said jealously, "I have not thought of that. Wonderful, isn't
it, how one likes to catch DICKENS in a mistake? Like having a joke on
a good old friend."

"Exactly," he said ardently, "I wish I had more time--"

"If you're free this evening come and dine with me at the 'Bull.' At
about eight, if you can."

"I'd like to very much. Thanks. I'll come."

"I've thought of two more," I said; "but I'll go now, as you must be
busy, so good-bye for the present. A bit before eight."

"I'll be there. I am rather busy just now. Good morning." He rang the
bell. "Oh, Mr. Jounce," he said to the underling who appeared, "will
you please cash this gentleman's cheque?"

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Lady (to applicant for situation as cook)._ "HAVE YOU
BEEN ACCUSTOMED TO HAVE A KITCHEN-MAID UNDER YOU?"