a new
home, and for a week I ignored the barometer. This may have seemed
unfriendly to a newcomer, yet surely it was kind not to observe any
faults it might display during its novitiate. When on the Saturday
morning I scrutinised it for the first time I saw it pointed to
"Stormy." I hastened over breakfast in order to get into the garden in
time to fix up the starboard fence. After working feverishly for three
hours, glancing at the sky at frequent intervals, I heard the "All
clear" signalled from a back window, the needle having swung round to
"Set Fair."

There it remained for several days, a marvel of accuracy. My poor
umbrella began to wear a look of neglect, but my walking-stick was
jubilant. "Set Fair" it was again on the Friday, and again I set out
with my happy malacca.

On my return wet through I had another proof of the excellence of my
faithful aneroid. Its needle pointed imperatively to "Change." This,
in fact, I had already decided to do, but to a less careful man the
instruction must have been of inestimable advantage.

* * * * *

OUR "PROMISED" LAND.

(_An "explanation" of another of the PREMIER'S election "promises."_)

My emotion I well can remember
O'er a "promise" that somewhere I'd seen
One night, away back in December
Anno Domini 1918.
Happy tears in my orbs began wellin'
As I read how the England-to-be
Would become a fit messuage to dwell in
For heroes like me.

Refreshed by an access of ardour
I returned to my business in town;
But, as life seemed each day to grow harder,
I despaired of its joy and its crown;
Till, fed up with a "tale" for poor Tommies,
My temper I finally lost,
And pronounced that oracular "promise"
A palpable frost.

But I've tumbled at last to my error;
For, although I am far from content,
I know that this era of terror
Is just what the Government meant;
When through England so bell-like and clear rose
That eager, that passionate vow;
Since none but a race of real heroes
Can live in it now.

* * * * *

=Commercial Candour.=

"SITUATIONS WANTED. Housemaid, unscrupulously clean."

_Melbourne Argus._

* * * * *

"Mr. Arthur Henderson, M.P., has added 2-1/2 stones to his stature
since he left the nursing home in Leeds."--_Daily Mail._

And three cubits to his