ious
at the coming of night. We deck ourselves out at night as though in this
way we could put our anxiety to flight.

We are careful about our food and our rest; we watch that our smiles
leave no wrinkles.... Yet never a word of our secret terror do we
whisper aloud. We keep silence or we lie. Sometimes from pride,
sometimes from shame.

Hitherto nobody has ever proclaimed this great truth: that as they grow
older--when the summer comes and the days lengthen--women become more
and more women. Their feminality goes on ripening into the depths of
winter.

Yet the world compels them to steer a false course. Their youth only
counts so long as their complexions remain clear and their figures slim.
Otherwise they are exposed to cruel mockery. A woman who tries late in
life to make good her claim to existence, is regarded with contempt. For
her there is neither shelter nor sympathy.

It sometimes happens that a winter gale strips all the leaves from a
tree in a single night. When does a woman grow old in body and soul in
one swift and merciful moment? From our birth we are accursed.

I blame no one for my failure in life. It was in my own hands. If I
could live it through again from the start, it is more than probable I
should waste the years for a second time.

CHRISTMAS EVE.

At this hour there will be festivities in the Old Market Place.
Richard's last letter touched me profoundly; something within me went
out toward his honest nature....

What is the use of all these falsehoods? I long for an embrace. Is that
shocking? We women are so wrapped in deceit that we feel ashamed of
confessing such things. Yet it is true, I miss Richard. Not the husband
or companion, but the lover.

What use in trying to soothe my senses by walking for hours through the
silent woods.

Lillie, in the innocence of her heart, sent me a tiny Christmas tree,
decorated by herself and her lanky daughters. Sweets and little presents
are suspended from the branches. She treats me like a child, or a sick
person.

Well, let it be so! Lillie must never have the vexation of learning that
I detested her girls simply because they represented the youthful
generation which sooner or later must supplant me.

I have made good use of my eyes, and I know what I have seen: the same
enmity exists between two generations as between the sexes.

While the young folk in their arrogant cruelty laugh at us who are
gr