he will miss them at once.

I have had out all my dresses, but I cannot make up my mind what to
wear. I cannot appear in the morning in a dinner dress, and a white
frock--at my age!... After all, why not?... The white embroidered
one ... it fits beautifully. I have never worn it since Joergen's last
visit to us in the country. It has got a little yellow from lying by,
but he will never notice it.

* * * * *

To-night _I will_ sleep--sleep like a top. Then I shall wake, take my
bath, and go for a long walk. When I come home, I will sit in the garden
and watch until the white boat appears in the distance.

* * * * *

I had to take a dose of veronal, but I managed to sleep round the clock,
from 9. P.M. to 9. A.M. The gardener has gone off in the boat; and I
have two hours in which to dress.

What is the matter with me? Now that my happiness is so close at hand,
I feel strangely depressed.

* * * * *

Jeanne advises a little rouge. No! Joergen loves me just as I am....

* * * * *

How he will laugh at me when he hears that I cried because I cannot get
into the white embroidered dress nowadays! It is my own fault; I eat too
much and do not take enough exercise.

I put on another white dress, but I am very disappointed, for it does
not suit me nearly as well.

* * * * *

I see the boat....

* * * * *

TWO DAYS LATER.

He came by the morning train, and left the same evening. That was the
day before yesterday, and I have never slept since. Neither have I
thought. There is time enough before me for thought.

He went away the same evening; so at least I was spared the night.

I have burnt his letter unread. What could it tell me that I did not
already know? Could it hold any torture which I have not already
suffered?

Do I really suffer? Have I not really become insensible to pain? Once
the cold moon was a burning sun; her own central fires consumed it. Now
she is cold and dead; her light a mere reflection and a falsehood.

* * * * *

His first glance told me all. He cast down his eyes so that he might not
hurt me again. ... And I--coward that I was--I accepted without
interrupting him the tender words he spoke, and even his caress....

But when our eyes me