w me, and
yet I seem to smell the sour, disgusting odour of that man. Is it
hysteria?...

No. I cannot sleep, and it is four in the morning. The sunrise is a
glorious sight provided one is really in the mood to enjoy it. But at
the present moment I should prefer the blackest night....

There he goes! Sneaking away like a thief. Not once does he look back;
and yet I am sure the hateful female is standing at the door, waving to
him and kissing her hand....

But what is the matter with Jeanne? Poor girl, she has hidden behind a
tree. She does not want to be seen by him; and she is quite right, it
would be paying the boor too great an honour.

* * * * *

Merely to watch Richard eating was--or rather it became--a daily
torture. He handled his knife and fork with the utmost refinement. Yet I
would have given anything if he would have occasionally put his elbows
on the table, or bitten into an unpeeled apple, or smacked his lips....
Imagine Richard smacking his lips!

His manners at table were invariably correct.

I shall never forget the look of tender reproach he once cast upon me
when I tore open a letter with my fingers, instead of waiting until he
had passed me the paper-knife. Probably it got upon his nerves in the
same way that he got upon mine when he contemplated himself in the
looking-glass.

A spot upon the table-cloth annoyed and distracted him. He said nothing,
but all the time he eyed the mark as though it was left from a
murderer's track.

His mania for tidiness often forced me, against my nature, to a
counteracting negligence. I intentionally disarranged the bookshelves in
the library; but he would follow me five minutes afterwards and put
everything in its place again.

Yet had I really cared for him, this fussiness would have been an added
charm in my eyes.

Was Richard always faithful to me? Or, if not, did he derive any
pleasure from his lapses? Naturally enough he must have had many
temptations; and although I, as a mere woman, was hindered by a thousand
conventional reasons, he had opportunities and reasonable excuses for
taking what was offered him.

And probably he did not lose his chances; at any rate when he was away
for long together on business. But I am convinced that his infidelities
were a sort of indirect homage to his lawful wife, and that he did not
derive much satisfaction from them. I am not afraid of being compared
with other women.

After a