ed to escape the curse that
advancing age brings to most women. Alas! This year has taught me that
we can neither deceive nor escape our destiny, since we carry it in our
hearts and temperaments.

Here I am, and here I shall remain, until I have grown to be quite an
old woman. Therefore, it is very foolish of me to pour out this
confession to you, for it cannot be otherwise than painful reading. But
I shall have no peace of mind until it is done.

My life has been poor. I have consumed my own heart.

* * * * *

As far as I am aware, my father, a widower, was a strictly honourable
man. Misfortune befell him, and his whole life was ruined in a moment.
An unexpected audit of the accounts of his firm revealed a deficiency.
My father had temporarily borrowed a small sum to save a friend in a
pressing emergency. Henceforward he was a marked man, at home and
abroad. We left the town where we lived. The retiring pension which was
granted to him in spite of what had happened sufficed for our daily
needs. He lived lost in his disgrace, and I was left entirely to the
care of a maid-servant. From her I gathered that our troubles were in
some way connected with a lack of money; and money became the idol of my
life.

I sometimes buried a coin that had been given me--as a dog buries his
bone. Then I lay awake all night, fearing I should not find it again in
the morning.

I was sent to school. A classmate said to me one day:

"Of course, a prince will marry you, for you are the prettiest girl
here."

I carried the words home to the maid, who nodded her approval.

"That's true enough," she said. "A pretty face is worth a pocketful of
gold."

"Can one sell a pretty face, then?" I asked.

"Yes, child, to the highest bidder," she replied, laughing.

From that moment I entered upon the accursed cult of my person which
absorbed the rest of my childhood and all my first youth. To become rich
was henceforth my one and only aim in life. I believed I possessed the
means of attaining my ends, and the thought of money was like a poison
working in my blood.

At school I was diligent and obedient, for I soon saw it paid best in
the long run. I was delighted to see that I attracted the attention of
the masters and mistresses, simply because of my good looks. I took in
and pondered over every word of praise that concerned my appearance. But
I put on airs of modesty, and no one guessed what went on within