Quoit Clubs (the game is much played
there) have elected me a member. The Secretary of the former sent me a
printed form, which I was to fill up, stating what instrument I meant
to play, and binding myself to attend at least one Band practice every
week. Three "cases of heartrending distress" have appealed to me,
"knowing the goodness of my heart." I shall have to consult TOLLAND,
or some one, about all this. I get the _Meteor_ and the _Standard_
every day. The former goes on chaffing. Don't think JERRAM, in the
_Standard_, writes as smartly as the other chaps. Must try to get
him stirred up a bit. Just received letter from TOLLAND, saying he
wants to talk to me before meeting about "matters connected with
the Registration." More money, I suppose. Romeike, and all kinds of
Press-Cutting Associations, keep on sending me that extract from the
_Star_, till I'm fairly sick of it. They all want me to subscribe for
Press-Cuttings. See them blowed first.

* * * * *

WHAT IT MAY COME TO!

SCENE--_The Central Criminal Court. The usual Company
assembled, and the place wearing its customary aspect.
"Standing room only" everywhere, except in the Jury Box, which
is empty. Prisoner at the Bar_.

[Illustration]

_Judge_. This is most annoying! Owing to the refusal of the Jury
to serve, the time of the Bar, the Bench, and, I may even add, the
prisoner, is wasted! I really don't know what to do! Mr. TWENTYBOB, I
think you appear for the accused?

_Counsel for the Defence_. Yes, my Lord.

_Judge_ (_with some hesitation_). Well, I do not for a moment presume
to dictate to you, but it certainly would get us out of a serious
difficulty if your client pleaded guilty. I suppose you have carefully
considered his case, and think it advisable that he should not
withdraw his plea?

_Counsel for the Defence_. No, my Lord, I certainly cannot advise him
to throw up his defence. It is a serious--a deeply serious--matter for
him. I do not anticipate any difficulty in establishing his innocence
before an intelligent jury.

_Judge_. But we can't get a jury--intelligent or otherwise.

_Counsel for the Defence_. If no evidence is offered, my client should
be discharged.

_Counsel for the Prosecution_. I beg pardon, but I must set my friend
right. Evidence _is_ offered in support of the charge, my Lord.

_Judge_. Yes; but there is no properly constituted body to receive
and decide upon its cre