e of which he has not been Town Major. Between
times he has been Intelligence Officer, Divisional Burial Officer,
Divisional Disbursing Officer, Salvage Officer, Claims, Baths,
Soda-water and Canteens Officer.

He was once appointed Town-Major of some brick-dust, a rafter and two
empty bully-beef tins--all of which in combination bore the name of a
village. He assumed his duties with a bland Pickwickian zest, which
did good to the heart. He had boards painted.

_______________________
| |
| THIS IS BLANK VILLAGE |
|_______________________|

said one aggressively, and

____________________________
| |
| TO THE TOWN-MAJOR OF BLANK |
| ==> |
|____________________________|

said another. A third read,

____________________
| |
| TO THE INCINERATOR |
| <== |
|____________________|

though there was nothing there to incinerate and (incidentally) no
incinerator. "HORSES," shouted another didactically, "MUST NOT TROT
THROUGH THE MAIN STREET." That there was no street there at all did
not detract from the splendour of his notices, on which he spent much
paint and happiness.

With the slightest encouragement he would have placarded that
arid wilderness with "NO SMOKING IN THE LIFTS," and "BEWARE OF
PICKPOCKETS," but he had small encouragement, and so he contented
himself with a final placard which warned the troops against riding
through standing crops and occupying the houses of civilians without
permission from the Town-Major.

Still, no one becomes a Town-Major without some sort of claim to the
post.

Second-Lieut. St. John's first appearance in Armageddon took place
during "peace-time warfare." An unpleasant and quite unnecessary
little bulge in the trench-line, known as the Toadstool, was manned
by the platoon of which he found himself second-in-command. It is
rumoured that a Hun patrol, crawling to the edge of our parapet,
saw in the ghastly glare of a Verey light the benign and spectacled
countenance of Second-Lieut. St. John staring amiably across No Man's
Land, and came to the hasty conclusion that they had made a mistake as
to direction, since here was obviously one of their own officers of
the Herr Professor type. Rumour adds that they retired to their own
lines and were promptly shot for cowardice.

Certain it is that on that particular night Second-Lieut. St. John did
a thing the