y to modify
the structure of my pineal gland
Or of my pituitary body.

MORAL.

_'Gin pituitary bodies,
With awakened eye,
Meet with humble hoddy-doddies--
Smaller human fry--
Cries and kissing both are missing
When they're passing by,
And the astral demi-god is
Comin' thro' the rye_.

* * * * *

OUR COLLOQUIAL CONTEMPORARIES.

"Repeated charges by Turkish cavalry resulted in only a slight
gain of ground at the expense of heavy osses."--_Daily News_.

* * * * *

FREE FOODERS.

"ROSYTH WORKERS AND THE COST OF LIVING.

"Mr. Douglas moved that they demand a reduction in the cost of
living of 200 per cent. by abolishing profiteering and securing
national control of food supplies. It was subsequently agreed to
demand 100 per cent. decrease in the cost of food."--_Glasgow
Herald_.

* * * * *

THE COMPLETE PLASHER.

"Francesca," I said, "listen to this."

"I will," she said, "if it's worth listening to."

"You can't tell that till you've heard it, can you?"

"Well, what is it, anyhow?"

"It's a letter," I said, "from Harry Penruddock."

"That doesn't sound very exciting."

"Ah, but wait a bit."

"Well, get a move on. I've got to see the cook."

"He sends me," I said, "a notice which has been served upon him about
his cottage at Smoltham. He wants to have my opinion about it."

"Very well, give him your opinion, and let's get on with the War."

"Francesca," I said, "are you not more than a little peevish this
morning?"

"I have no patience," she said, "with notices that have to be served.
It's always done by sanitary inspectors and rate collectors, and
people of that sort. Why can't they just post them and have done with
it?"

"Who are you," I said, "that you should fly in the face of Providence
in this way? Can't you see that if a notice is 'served,' it
immediately becomes twice as important?"

"Oh, if it adds to the dignity of an inspector, well and good; but for
my part I should have posted it."

"You are not a sanitary inspector, and cannot realise the feelings of
one."

"They have no feelings, and that's why they're made inspectors."

"Hush!" I said, and began to read:--

"'In pursuance of the directions given in an Act passed in the fifth
and sixth years of the reign of King William the Fourth, entitled "An
Act to consolidate