bad as it was to be a
kleptomaniac, and then the woman got up and said she wouldn't stay no
longer, and Pa said to me to take that parrot outdoors, and that seemed to
make them all good natured again. Ma said to take the parrot and give it
to the poor. I took the cage and pointed my finger at the parrot and it
looked at the woman and said 'old catamaran,' and the woman tried to look
pious and resigned, but she couldn't. As I was going out the door the
parrot ruffed up his feathers and said 'Dammit, set 'em up,' and I hurried
out with the cage for fear he would say something bad, and the folks all
held up their hands and said it was scandalous. Say, I wonder if a parrot
can go to hell with the rest of the community. Well, I put the parrot in
the woodshed, and after they all had their innings, except Pa, who acted
as umpire, the meeting broke up, and Ma says it is the last time she will
have that gang at her house.

"That must have been where your Pa got his black eye," said the grocery
man, as he charged the bunch of celery to the boy's Pa. "Did the minister
hit him, or was it one of the sisters?"

"O, he didn't get his black eye at prayer meeting!" said the boy, as he
took his mittens off the stove, and rubbed them to take the stiffening
out. "It was from boxing. Pa told my chum and me that it was no harm to
learn to box, cause we could defend ourselves, and he said he used to be a
holy terror with the boxing gloves when he was a boy, and he has been
giving us lessons. Well, he is no slouch, now I tell you, and handles
himself pretty well for a church member. I read in the paper how Zack
Chandler played it on Conkling by getting Jem Mace, the prize fighter, to
knock him silly, and I asked Pa if he wouldn't let me bring a
poor boy who had no father to teach him boxing, to our house to learn to
box, and Pa said certainly, fetch him along. He said he would be glad to
do anything for a poor orphan. So I went down in the Third ward and got an
Irish boy by the name of Duffy, who can knock the socks off any boy in the
ward. He fit a prize fight once. It would have made you laugh to see Pa
telling him how to hold his hands and how to guard his face. He told Duffy
not to be afraid, but strike right out and hit for keeps. Duffy said he
was afraid Pa would get mad if he hit him, and Pa said, 'nonsense, boy,
knock me down if you can, and I will laugh ha! ha!' Well, Duffy he hauled
back and gave Pa one on the nose, and another in bo