And there
was the tea-table, and there was the punch-bowl, and everybody ready and
smiling to receive our dear uncle from London.

Six o'clock came, and the coach, and the man from the "Green Dragon"
with a portmanteau, and a fat old gentleman walking behind, of whom I
just caught a glimpse--a venerable old gentleman: I thought I'd seen him
before.

*****

Then there was a ring at the bell; then a scuffling and bumping in the
passage: then old Crutty rushed out, and a great laughing and talking,
and "HOW ARE YOU?" and so on, was heard at the door; and then the
parlor-door was flung open, and Crutty cried out with a loud voice--

"Good people all! my brother-in-law, Mr. STIFFELKIND!"

MR. STIFFELKIND!--I trembled as I heard the name!

Miss Crutty kissed him; mamma made him a curtsy, and papa made him a
bow; and Dr. Snorter, the parson, seized his hand and shook it most
warmly: then came my turn!

"Vat!" says he. "It is my dear goot yong frend from Doctor
Schvis'hentail's! is dis de yong gentleman's honorable moder" (mamma
smiled and made a curtsy), "and dis his fader? Sare and madam, you
should be broud of soch a sonn. And you my niece, if you have him for a
husband you vill be locky, dat is all. Vat dink you, broder Croty, and
Madame Stobbs, I 'ave made your sonn's boots! Ha--ha!"

My mamma laughed, and said, "I did not know it, but I am sure, sir, he
has as pretty a leg for a boot as any in the whole county."

Old Stiffelkind roared louder. "A very nice leg, ma'am, and a very SHEAP
BOOT TOO. Vat! did you not know I make his boots? Perhaps you did not
know something else too--p'raps you did not know" (and here the monster
clapped his hand on the table and made the punch-ladle tremble in
the bowl)--"p'raps you did not know as dat yong man, dat Stobbs, dat
sneaking, baltry, squinting fellow, is as vicked as he is ogly. He bot
a pair of boots from me and never paid for dem. Dat is noting, nobody
never pays; but he bought a pair of boots, and called himself Lord
Cornvallis. And I was fool enough to believe him vonce. But look you,
niece Magdalen, I 'ave got five tousand pounds: if you marry him I vill
not give you a benny. But look you what I will gif you: I bromised you a
bresent, and I will give you DESE!"

And the old monster produced THOSE VERY BOOTS which Swishtail had made
him take back.

*****

I DIDN'T marry Miss Crutty: I am not sorry for it though. She was a
nasty, ugly, ill-tempered wretch, and I'