"Well, but let's have it," said Clopper--"let's have it. I won't tell my
sister, you know." And he put his hand to his nose and looked monstrous
wise.

"Nothing of that sort, Clopper--no, no--'pon honor--little Bob Stubbs is
no LIBERTINE; and the story is very simple. You see that my father has a
small place, merely a few hundred acres, at Sloffemsquiggle. Isn't it
a funny name? Hang it, there's the naval gentleman staring again,"--(I
looked terribly fierce as I returned this officer's stare, and continued
in a loud careless voice). Well, at this Sloffemsquiggle there lived
a girl, a Miss Waters, the niece of some blackguard apothecary in the
neighborhood; but my mother took a fancy to the girl, and had her up to
the park and petted her. We were both young--and--and--the girl fell in
love with me, that's the fact. I was obliged to repel some rather warm
advances that she made me; and here, upon my honor as a gentleman, you
have all the story about which that silly Dobble makes such a noise.

Just as I finished this sentence. I found myself suddenly taken by the
nose, and a voice shouting out,--

"Mr. Stubbs, you are A LIAR AND A SCOUNDREL! Take this, sir,--and this,
for daring to meddle with the name of an innocent lady."

I turned round as well as I could--for the ruffian had pulled me out
of my chair--and beheld a great marine monster, six feet high, who was
occupied in beating and kicking me, in the most ungentlemanly manner,
on my cheeks, my ribs, and between the tails of my coat. "He is a liar,
gentlemen, and a scoundrel! The bootmaker had detected him in swindling,
and so his niece refused him. Miss Waters was engaged to him from
childhood, and he deserted her for the bootmaker's niece, who was
richer."--And then sticking a card between my stock and my coat-collar,
in what is called the scruff of my neck, the disgusting brute gave me
another blow behind my back, and left the coffee-room with his friends.

Dobble raised me up; and taking the card from my neck, read, CAPTAIN
WATERS. Clopper poured me out a glass of water, and said in my ear, "If
this is true, you are an infernal scoundrel, Stubbs; and must fight me,
after Captain Waters;" and he flounced out of the room.

I had but one course to pursue. I sent the Captain a short and
contemptuous note, saying that he was beneath my anger. As for Clopper,
I did not condescend to notice his remark but in order to get rid of the
troublesome society of these low bl