brave champion. Your
inspired writings have been set to music, and are sung as national
hymns. Effect on San Salvadorians terrible. Only two deaf sergeants
left alive. _Guerra, Vittoria Matador, Mantilla_.

(_Signed_) BARILLAS, _President_.

(IV.) _SAN SALVADOR, SUNDAY._

Land pirates from Guatemala foiled, owing to valiant English
_Punch_-Prophet. Army when reduced to last biscuit, fed on racing
intelligence. Captain-General sustained nature on white native plant
called _Tehp_, much used by Indian tribe of _Estar-ting-prisahs_. My
body-guard performed prodigies on _Thenod_, the well-known root of the
_Cuff_ plant. Have adopted you as my grandson.

(_Signed_) Ezeta, _President_.

That is sufficient for one week. Those who wish for more in the
meantime, must call at my residence.

* * * * *

THE REAL GRIEVANCE OFFICE.

(_BEFORE MR. COMMISSIONER PUNCH._)

_AN ENGINEER OFFICER, R.N., INTRODUCED._

_The Commissioner_. Sorry to see you here, Sir, as your presence
argues that you have a right to demand redress.

[Illustration]

_Engineer Officer, R.N._ I think, Sir, that we have a genuine
grievance is almost universally conceded. But, as our labours and
responsibilities have increased enormously of late years, perhaps you
will kindly allow me to describe our duties.

_The Com._ By all means.

_En. Of., R.N._ As the matter is of the greatest importance to
fourteen hundred officers, commanding ten thousand men, I hope you
will not consider me tedious in making the following statement. The
success of every function of the modern battle-ship depends upon
machinery for which the Engineer officers are directly responsible.
By its means the anchor is lifted, boats are hoisted, the ship is
steered, ventilated, and electrically lighted. Pure drinking water is
supplied for its hundreds of inhabitants. The efficiency of all the
elaborate arrangements of the hull for safety in collision, fire,
or battle, depends upon the Engineers. Their machinery trains and
elevates, loads and controls the heavy guns. The use of the Whitehead
torpedo and all its appliances would be an impossibility without the
Engineers. In addition to this there is the propulsion of the ship,
and the control and supervision of a large staff of artificers
and men. And yet the Engineer officers are the lowest paid class
of commissioned officers in the Royal Navy--this when, without
exaggeration, they may be described as