or
the point where the pious difficulty had resulted in so much
iniquitous blood-shedding.

"The fact is, Old Uncle John was at first inclined to make rather
spare use of bear's grease to dress his Turkey, an unhealthy bird,
scarcely possessing fat enough to cook himself; but, being rather
doubtful of his own culinary efficiency, had consented to receive a
French cook into the family: and, fearing there might yet be a
deficiency, the ever-credulous old dotard was making good-natured
overtures to one Joseph of Hapsburg,--never trustworthy, and always
known to act as circumstances changed interests,--who said there was
no knowing what time he would be ready to turn his attention to such
purposes. Joseph, however, was never in his life so willing to play
open and shut with John, at the same time giving Nicholas that cunning
wink so well understood in all respectable family circles. This game
Joseph played, and played, and played, until the credulity of old John
seemed like a cooked fish in a pot of porridge. The fact must be
confessed that Joseph was so politically dishonest that to be for once
honest was tantamount to a great victory over his traditional
immorality. Knowing right well the traits of character this Joseph
possessed, Jonathan would at short notice lend a willing hand to
thrash other morals into his system. However, with a view of leaving
this point to be settled by more interested parties, Smooth proceeded
to the holy places, where, he regrets to say, he shuddered at the
thought of how much human slaughtering it had been the scene--all done
for holy causes. Let an impious world forgive those _Little Ones_ who
in all ages have lent their aid to stimulate the worst passions!

"As for Turkey, I, Smooth, would make no insinuations against that
lovely but ill-governed country. Muslamism was dying by its own hand;
it had shocked a world with its persecutions; it had scoffed at
virtue, and was sinking down into its own deluge of vice. The
independence of Turkey! Now, Mr. Smooth made no boast of his
common-sense, but to such as he had it was a question whether the
Turk, instead of exhibiting so fanatical a love for fighting, had not
better betake himself to reconstructing and reforming his internal
government, and by that means save himself from a continual jarring
with nations sensitive of the rights of their subjects. Should this be
thought an employment too inferior, he might employ himself with a
plan for enf