l with holes in the toes and knees, and one small undervest buttonless
and torn into strips up the back, must be a bitter blow.

Jobson's, when I entered it, was a scene of great animation. Crowds of
customers, nearly all women, were standing about or moving purposefully
in various directions. Brisk and harassed attendants, male and female,
were rushing hither and thither. Confusion and purchase reigned supreme.
Keeping a tight hold on myself I wandered on until, by some mistake, I
found myself in the Ladies' Dress department.

"Yes, Sir?" said one of the girls in a tone of surprised interrogation.

"Can I order a dress?" I said nervously. "A lady's dress, you know. For
my wife," I added hastily, for a look of cold disapproval had shown
itself on the attendant's face. "She has a bad headache or she would
have come herself. Or is there an Ironmongery department?"

"Second floor. You can go in the lift," said the girl.

The Ironmongery department was attractive beyond description. Fire-irons
glittered, fenders gleamed, and there was a lawn-mower which gaped so
pathetically that I was all but forced to buy it.

"Is anyone looking after you, Sir?" said a gentleman with the air and
manners of a diplomatist.

"No," I said; "I want a stocking or two."

"Hosiery department on the ground floor. You can go in the lift;" and he
too left me.

Down I went again, plunged head-first through the Ladies' Dress
department, and came to an anchor amongst the pipes, cigars, cigarettes
and tobacco. Here I bought two pipes, a cigar-cutter, and five
match-stands of a very novel design. Having thus paid my footing, I
addressed the salesman.

"Take me," I said, "to the Hosiery department."

"Straight on, Sir," he said, "and turn to the right before you get to
the musical instruments."

"No, no," I said, "that won't do. I have been trying to get there all
day by myself and have failed. I am so very musical. If I go alone I
shall be drawn in among the flutes and harmoniums. Conduct me to the
hosiery or I shall return the match-stands."

Moved by my appeal he conducted me, and at last reached my haven and
made my purchases. When I got home, the headache was gone, and in its
place there was a critical spirit which prophesied that all the
stockings would certainly be of the wrong size and quality, while the
undervests would be equally useless. About the pipes, cigar-cutter and
the match-stands I preferred to say nothing at all.

On t