through the diamond. If it shows but a single dot
the diamond is genuine."--_Tit-Bits._

We cordially invite the writer to come and look at dots through our
Bouverie Street windows. We will then sell him the lot for a million
pounds.

* * * * *

"Oxford rowed a bridge trial from Barnes to Hammersmith yesterday
morning on a fast ebb. It was good, but not good enough considering
the conditions, for everything was in their favour, the amount of
land water in the river making the tide a fast one and the wind
being at their backs."--_Daily Mail._

Our contemporary must make up its mind which way the crew sits before
the day of the race.

* * * * *

"This was Inman's last opportunity, as Reece, in his next hand, ran
to his points with a great break of 202. He failed at an easy red
winner, and after Inman had missed a simple shot Reece ran out."

_Times._

_REECE (after reaching his points with a great break of 202)_: Have
another shot, INMAN, old man. Hard luck! Now I really _must_ go.
[_Exit at a run._

* * * * *

DEAR MR. PUNCH,--While idly looking over _Chambers' Dictionary_ I
came across the Christian name "Herbert," and noticed that it meant
"The Glory of the Army." This aroused my curiosity, and I thought I
should pursue the matter further by looking up the meaning of his
other name. You may judge my surprise when I found that "Henry"
meant "Home Ruler," and was given in these exact words. After this
Mr. ASQUITH'S dogged determination to carry Home Rule is readily
understood. He is a child of destiny.

I am, etc., KISMET.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Doctor (to old Appleby dame whose son his been eaten by
cannibals in the South Sea Islands)._ "I AM SO VERY SORRY TO HEAR THIS
BAD NEWS ABOUT YOUR SON. CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE IT HAPPENED?"

_Dame._ "NAY, A DON'T RIGHTLY KNAA. IT WAS SOOMWHAR BELOW KENDAL."]

* * * * *

DANCERS DAY BY DAY.

_March 18._--A telegram from Tipperusalem, Oklahoma, states that Madame
Titipoff, as the result of partaking of tinned oysters at supper, is
suffering from acute ptomaine poisoning, and will, at the most
favourable estimate, be unable to dance for another six months.

_March 19._--Authoritative cables from S