.

"What do I think of feminine New York? Why, of course, I think her the
prettiest, cleverest, best-dressed portion of feminine humanity, and
with an added charm--a New Yorkiness which is absolutely indescribable.
No, I haven't met any of her yet, my knowledge of New York being at
present limited to this wonderful landing pier, your greatly gifted
Customs officials, and the brilliantly intelligent subordinates of your
world-renowned Express Company.

"What do I think of Mexican affairs? Well, gentlemen, it seems to me
that only _Mexicans_ can make themselves really at home in Mexico, and
that other people had better not try to live there--if living is their
object.

"Yes, here is my photo and my wife's photo; my father's
photo; my grandfather's daguerreotype; a black profile of my
great-grandfather--certainly, gentlemen, I shall be only too pleased and
proud to have them all reproduced in your scintillating, pulsating
journals. So long, boys! Delighted to have met you."

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Distressed Mother._ "'E'S BEEN AN ORFUL TRIAL TO ME EVER
SINCE THEM PITCHER PALACES BEGAN. FIRST 'E WAS SHOOTIN' AT THE FOWLS,
AN' NOW 'E'S PINCHIN' MY WOOLLY MATS TER PUT ON 'IS LEGS."]

* * * * *

A Mirdite Melody.

[The Mirdite Chief Prenk Bib Doda has joined the first Albanian
Cabinet.]

Great is the Gaeckwar of BARODA;
Great too was MARCHAND at Fashoda;
Great is good brandy blent with soda;
But, as a culminating _coda_,
Greater by far is PRENK BIB DODA.

* * * * *

From a list of work for Trials at Eton:--

"Acts xxi--xxvii (_not_ Ch. xxviii)."

So Smith _mi._ had already guessed, but none the less the prohibition
came as a great disappointment to him.

* * * * *

"The country between the Gamana and Katsena Rivers was inhabited by
Zumperi pagans, who were cannibals and lived on hill
tops."--_Times._

Thus differing from some of the inhabitants of Golders Green, who are
vegetarians and live on turnip-tops.

* * * * *

ONCE ONE.

["Caroline Cloan clawed suddenly at Slew's eyes. But for a quick
movement on his part it might have been very serious. He had only
one eye, and could not afford to lose the sight of it."--"_Daily
Mirror" Serial._]

Keen are the claws of _Carrie Cloan_,