Tall silver ships, complete with sea,
And birds of aureate filigree,
Pearl-winged and opal-eyed.

Sheffield they gave, a grievous load,
And Chelsea, flower'd and spruce,
And antique thingummies in spode;
The only thing that none bestowed
Was anything of use.

Fled is the hope we built too soon
Of some sub-tropic trek;
Farewell, O azure honeymoon,
The dull but necessary spoon
Claims the paternal cheque.

* * * * *

Our Latest Cinema Poster.

"WHEN THE EARTH TREMBLED
For six days at great expense."

The longest earthquake on record.

* * * * *

[Illustration: NEPTUNE'S ALLY.

(_The FIRST LORD OF THE ADMIRALTY calls in a new element to redress the
balance of the old._)

* * * * *

[Illustration: ULSTER, DAY BY DAY: MONDAY.

"Now, gents, what offers for this really prime Irish pig? Guaranteed by
Mr. DEVLIN. You may examine its points as soon as you've bought it." [No
business.]]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

(EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.)

_House of Commons, Monday, March 16._--The WINSOME WINSTON, sauntering
in from behind SPEAKER'S Chair when Questions had advanced some way,
startled by strident cheer from Ministerialists and Irish Nationalists.
Opposition angrily replied. FIRST LORD, faintly blushing, found
anchorage on Treasury Bench. Unpremeditated outburst of enthusiasm meant
as welcome back from Bradford, where he reviewed political situation
with force and frankness that recalled his father's platform speeches
delivered in his prime. Demonstration repeated when later he rose to
answer question concerning his department. Fresh storm of cheering from
Ministerialists responded to by defiant shouts from Opposition.

WINSTON evidently the man of the moment.

PRIME MINISTER, happily refreshed by week-end holiday, finds himself
faced by crowd wanting to know all sorts of things that might happen
concurrently with, or subsequent to, proposed temporary exclusion of
parts of Ulster from operation of Home Rule Bill. There were twenty-six
Questions. Assuming minimum number of Supplementaries, there would have
been at least one hundred.

To amazement and vexation of earnest seekers after truth, the twenty-six
querists discovered that they were being bowled over faster than
commonplace nine-pins.