ydney convey the distressing
intelligence that M. Gordkin is suffering from a complete nervous
breakdown. His temperature has never been below 117 for the last week,
and his pulse varies from 240 to 260. The doctors take a serious view of
his case, and all his engagements have been cancelled.

_March 20._--At Dundee last night, Mlle. Stchortskirtsoff, while dancing
at the Corybantic Music Hall, slipped on a patch of marmalade which had
been inadvertently allowed to remain on the stage, and fractured both
her kneecaps. It is feared that the famous _ballerina_ will not be able
to fulfil her engagements in Aberdeen next month.

_March 21._--Latest advices from Tipperusalem give a reassuring account
of Madame Titipoff's progress. On Thursday she was allowed to sit up for
half an hour, and she ate a beefsteak with evident zest. On learning
that the canned oyster vendor had been tarred and feathered, Madame
Titipoff at once announced her intention of dancing on the following
night.

_March 22._--A despatch just received from M. Gordkin's agent at Sydney
announces that the famous artist's temperature is now normal and his
pulse steady at 60. The cause of his recent trivial indisposition was a
hostile criticism in a local paper, but with the dismissal of the critic
the incident is now regarded as closed, and M. Gordkin will resume his
saltatorial activities in a day or two.

_March 23._--The news of Mlle. Stchortskirtsoff's accident happily turns
out to have been exaggerated. Her kneecaps were not fractured, but two
hairpins became detached from her chevelure while she was performing a
protracted pirouette. The famous _danseuse_ is rehearsing a new galvanic
dance, and marmalade shares are again firm.

* * * * *

"It is learned officially that Their Excellencies are delighted
with the climate, which appears to agree with Lady Chalmers, as
well as with the scenery."

_The Ceylon Morning Leader._

Of course it has known the scenery longer.

* * * * *

STANZAS WRITTEN IN DEJECTION BEFORE MATRIMONY.

(_A complaint has been voiced in the Press that uncommon wedding
presents are getting much too common._)

We fixed our hymeneal day,
Bespoke our nuptial cates
And summoned to the solemn fray
The necessary glum array
Of kin and intimates.

And the more part in their degree
Gave gladly gifts of pride,