le financier raide et hautain, n'a jamais existe
dans la vie reelle. C'etait un mannequin en bois. Ton pere etait
DICKENS, le grand romancier anglais. Il est mort avant ta naissance.
Sans lui tu ne serais pas."

* * * * *

TO A CORRESPONDENT.--We do not think you are wise to have asked a
large circle of distinguished French sporting friends to bring their
rods over with a view to salmon-fishing in the Serpentine. Trout,
there may be; no doubt, there are, but we have some doubts about
salmon. Your suggestion that if you can't get a rise you might perhaps
"bang away" at the waterfowl, certainly has a more promising sound,
but we would advise you to commence your sport early, for fear of
hitting the bathers. You will require the permission of the Duke of
CAMBRIDGE. This you will get through any Park-keeper.

* * * * *

MR. MANTALINI ON THE LINCOLN CASE.--"And both were right, and neither
wrong, upon my life and soul, O demmit!"--_Nicholas Nickleby_.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE FINAL TEST.

_Bellona_ (_to the "Times" and Mr. Stanhope_). "I SUPPOSE,
GENTLEMEN, YOU DON'T WANT TO WAIT FOR _ME_ TO SETTLE THE
QUESTION!"

TOMMY ATKINS, _loquitur_:--

Oh, where and _wot_ am I? A spindle-shank'd stripling,
As blue-gilled old Tory ex-Colonels protest?
Or a 'ero, as pictured by young RUDYARD KIPLING,
Six foot in my socks, forty-inch round the chest?
I'm blowed if _I_ know arter all the discussion.
But if I'm the cove as they're going to trust,
To give good account of yer Frenchy or Russian,
At least they'd best give me a gun as won't _bust_.
They've bin fighting this battle of barrels and breeches,--
Ah yus, from the days of our poor old Brown Bess,
And wot's the result as their 'speriments teaches?
They'd better jest settle it sharp-like, I guess.
If once of a rattlin' good rifle I'm owner,
A thing as won't jack-up or jam, I don't care.
But if they stand squabblin' till Missis BELLONER
Puts in _'er_ appearance, there'll be a big scare.
Ah, she's the true "Expert"; wuth fifty Committees!
But then '_er_ decision means money--and blood.
Wot price TOMMY ATKINS, _then_? Everyone pities
His fate, when he's snuffed it, and pity's no good.
Whether STANHOPE is right, or the _Times_, I ain't sayin';
But here Marm BELLONER gives both a big hint,
As it's rayther a to