--SOMEWHERE!

SCENE I.--_A Suburban Drawing-room, old-fashionedly furnished;
brightly-bound books scattered about a solid, sombre-covered
table; oil portraits of elderly, stiffly attitudinising
couple on the walls; a general atmosphere of simple, pietistic
propriety. Present,_ EDWIN _and_ ANGELINA, _a modest, but
deeply-enamoured pair, shortly about to be married._

_Edwin_ (_after the regulation ceremonial_). My dearest ANGELINA, I
have something here which I think will greatly simplify the business
of house-furnishing, that has so deeply occupied us lately.

[Illustration]

ANGELINA (_flushing tenderly_). Oh, EDWIN, _have_ you? How nice, dear!
And what is it?

_Edwin_ (_eagerly_). Quite providential, I call it. You know, dearest,
I've saved three hundred pounds for the express purpose; and here
is an advertisement, according to which, for about that sum, we can
secure a complete fit-out for our little villa, which, I think, will
exactly suit us. Quite an exceptional chance, as the advertiser
says. A gentleman, lately arrived in this country from India, is
unexpectedly compelled to return immediately. Consequently he
is obliged to dispose _at once_ of his lately-purchased house of
furniture, _at a great sacrifice_. It is as good as new, in fact, has
hardly been used at all; is elegant and substantial, and can be seen
any day at Vamp Villa, Barnsbury, upon presentation of visiting-card.
Suppose, dearest ANGY, we run over to-morrow afternoon, and have a
look at it? Such a chance--in the very nick of time, too--may never
occur again!

_Angelina_. Oh, EDWIN, _how_ fortunate! Should it suit us, what a lot
of trouble it will save!

_Edwin_. And money, too, darling, for the prices seem to be _very_
low. I'm so glad you agree, dear.

_Angelina_ (_with effusion_). Of _course_ I do, EDWIN. And (_with
tender glance at one of the oil pictures_) how delighted dear Mamma
will be! [_Osculation, appointment, and exit_.

SCENE II.--_Mysterious-looking Villa at Barnsbury, permeated
by strong smell of French-polish and fusty straw. Large "House
to Let" boards and posters prominently disposed. Present._
EDWIN _and_ ANGELINA, _and a blandly loquacious person, in
black broadcloth, with a big foolscap-paper Inventory, and a
blunt-pointed pencil._

_Loquacious Person_ (_fluently_). Why you see, Madam, Mr. PAWNEE
LIVERLESS 'ad to leave for Bombay early yesterday mornin', and was
theref