AND HE STOPPETH ONE OF THREE.
'BY THY SCANT GREY LOCKS AND GLITTERING EYE,
NOW WHEREFORE STOPP'ST THOU ME?'"
]

* * * * *

[Illustration: A CHECK.

_Huntsman_. "SEEN THE FOX, MY BOY?"

_Boy_. "NO, I AIN'T!"

_Huntsman_. "THEN, WHAT ARE YOU HOLLARIN' FOR?"

_Boy_ (_who has been scaring Rooks_). "'COS I'M PAID FOR IT!"]

* * * * *

THE DEATH PENALTY; OR, WHO'S TO BLAME?

ACT I.

SCENE--_House of Commons, rather sparsely attended, it being
the occasion of a statement on the needs of the Army to be
made by the_ Secretary for War.

_Secretary for War_ (_continuing his speech_). And so, Mr. SPEAKER,
I trust that I have justified the demand I have made for so many
millions for building Barracks, and conclusively proved that the
Authorities responsible for our military efficiency are thoroughly
alive to the necessity not only of safeguarding the lives, but of
increasing the comfort, of our gallant defenders. (_Cheers_.)

ACT II.

SCENE--_Celebrated London Barracks. Fire just broken out in
top storey of Married Soldiers' Quarters, crowded with women
and children. Soldiers rushing for ladders. Some children
handed up through a trap-door, which is supposed to lead to
roof. No exit on to roof available, and children being slowly
smothered. Screams. Great excitement._

_Non-Commissioned Officer_. Ha! Fire in the "Rookery!" And it'll burn
like paper, being old and rotten! Now, where's the fellow who ought to
have the key of the hydrant? (_Exit in search of him._)

_Labourer employed at Barracks_ (_entering hastily_). Hullo! A fire!
Where's that key of mine for the hydrants? Can't attend to _that_,
however, as there's my wife and family to be saved! (_Rushes out, and
hydrants cannot be unlocked for ten minutes. When they are, they are
found to be without water!_)

_Colonel Commanding the Battalion_ (_just arrived on scene_). No
water! Well, of course there isn't! Hasn't the War Office ordered it
to be turned off at night, spite of my protests? Tell the Fire-Brigade
men to get water wherever they can!

[_Water eventually got in roads several hundred yards from
burning building._

_Non-Com. Officer_ (_directing two soldiers, who have gallantly
rescued a couple of children that have been burning and suffocating
under roof_). Yes, take 'em off to the hospital! Poor little
creatures--not much hope for _the