m_, I'm afraid! (_To Colonel._) A bad
business, Sir!

_Colonel_. Would have been worse if the men hadn't behaved so well,
and turned themselves into amateur firemen. No thanks to the War
Office that there aren't twenty-two deaths, instead of two. Why,
only six months ago, I warned 'em that the place was "unfit for human
habitation," and a regular death-trap in case of fire, with only one
narrow wooden staircase to the whole block. I wrote that, "if a fire
occurred at night, there must be many deaths." Yet nothing has been
done.

_Non-Com. Officer_. Shocking! There's a talk that the place had been
condemned by the War Office.

_Colonel_. Condemned, but not pulled down! I wonder who'll be
condemned at the Inquest. Shouldn't be surprised if it were the
War-Office Authorities themselves!

[_And so they have been--and quite right too_.

* * * * *

[Illustration: GENERAL PUNCH'S IMPROVED MAGAZINE RIFLE.

1. A Hatchet (_to pull out and fix inside_); 2. A Spear (_ditto_);
3,4,5. Compartments with handles, to be used as Portmanteau; 6. Shirt
Collars and Evening Tie; 7. A Pipe; 8. Tobacco; 9. Cigarette Case;
10. Sandwich Case, Potted Meats, Biscuits, &c.; 11. A Self Air-Loading
Bullet Mechanism; 12. Gladstone Bag; 13. Portable Bath and Hammock;
14. Cooking Stove; 15. Cooking Utensils; 16. A Telescope; 17. A
Walking Stick; 18. An Umbrella; 19. A Billiard Cue; 20. A Scent
Bottle.]

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE PARLIAMENTARY MEET IN A NOVEMBER FOG.]

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE COUNTRY HOUSE.

(_WHAT OUR ARCHITECT HAS TO PUT UP WITH._)

_Fair Client_. "I WANT IT TO BE NICE AND BARONIAL, QUEEN ANNE
AND ELIZABETHAN, AND ALL THAT; KIND OF QUAINT AND NUREMBERGY, YOU
KNOW--REGULAR OLD ENGLISH, WITH FRENCH WINDOWS OPENING TO THE LAWN,
AND VENETIAN BLINDS, AND SORT OF SWISS BALCONIES, AND A LOGGIA. BUT
I'M SURE _YOU_ KNOW WHAT I MEAN!"]

* * * * *

THE MODERN HERO;

_OR, HOW TO DISCOURAGE CRIME._

HENRY LARRIKIN, who was recently convicted and sentenced to death
for the murder of a nursemaid and infant on Shooter's Hill, is now
confined in ---- Gaol, and is reported to be in excellent spirits.
He passes his time in illuminating texts, which he presents to the
Governor and Warders, and some of which have been disposed of for
enormous sums. A petition has been circulated, and extensively s