e like a rasslin' match than a father's
embrace. Up gets this little monkey iv an' Aggynaldoo, an' says he,
'Not for us,' he says. 'We thank ye kindly; but we believe,' he says,
'in pathronizin' home industhries,' he says. 'An,' he says, 'I have on
hand,' he says, 'an' f'r sale,' he says, 'a very superyor brand iv
home-made liberty, like ye'er mother used to make,' he says. ''Tis a
long way fr'm ye'er plant to here,' he says, 'an' be th' time a cargo
iv liberty,' he says, 'got out here an' was handled be th' middlemen,'
he says, 'it might spoil,' he says. 'We don't want anny col' storage
or embalmed liberty,' he says. 'What we want an' what th' ol' reliable
house iv Aggynaldoo,' he says, 'supplies to th' thrade,' he says, 'is
fr-esh liberty r-right off th' far-rm,' he says. 'I can't do annything
with ye'er proposition,' he says. 'I can't give up,' he says, 'th'
rights f'r which f'r five years I've fought an' bled ivry wan I cud
reach,' he says. 'Onless,' he says, 'ye'd feel like buyin' out th'
whole business,' he says. 'I'm a pathrite,' he says; 'but I'm no
bigot,' he says.

"An' there it stands, Hinnissy, with th' indulgent parent kneelin' on
th' stomach iv his adopted child, while a dillygation fr'm Boston
bastes him with an umbrella. There it stands, an' how will it come out
I dinnaw. I'm not much iv an expansionist mesilf. F'r th' las' tin
years I've been thryin' to decide whether 'twud be good policy an'
thrue to me thraditions to make this here bar two or three feet
longer, an' manny's th' night I've laid awake tryin' to puzzle it out.
But I don't know what to do with th' Ph'lippeens anny more thin I did
las' summer, befure I heerd tell iv thim. We can't give thim to anny
wan without makin' th' wan that gets thim feel th' way Doherty felt to
Clancy whin Clancy med a frindly call an' give Doherty's childher th'
measles. We can't sell thim, we can't ate thim, an' we can't throw
thim into th' alley whin no wan is lookin'. An' 'twud be a disgrace
f'r to lave befure we've pounded these frindless an' ongrateful people
into insinsibility. So I suppose, Hinnissy, we'll have to stay an' do
th' best we can, an' lave Andhrew Carnegie secede fr'm th' Union.
They'se wan consolation; an' that is, if th' American people can
govern thimsilves, they can govern annything that walks."

"An' what 'd ye do with Aggy--what-d'ye-call-him?" asked Mr. Hennessy.

"Well," Mr. Dooley replied, with brightening eyes, "I know what they'd
do