d ye whin ye didn't have a coat to ye'er back,' I says, 'an' I
'll buy no star f'r ye,' I says. 'But I'll tell ye what I'll buy f'r
ye,' I says. 'I'll buy rayqueem masses f'r th' raypose iv ye'er sowl,
if ye don't duck out iv this in a minyit,' Whin I seen him last, he
was back dhrivin' a dhray an' atin' his dinner out iv a tin can."

THE SKIRTS OF CHANCE.

The people of Bridgeport are not solicitous of modern improvements,
and Mr. Dooley views with distaste the new and garish. But he
consented to install a nickel-in-the-slot machine in his tavern last
week, and it was standing on a table when Mr. McKenna came in. It was
a machine that looked like a house; and, when you put a nickel in at
the top of it, either the door opened and released three other nickels
or it did not. Mostly it did not.

Mr. Dooley saluted Mr. McKenna with unusual cordiality, and Mr.
McKenna inspected the nickel-in-the-slot machine with affectation of
much curiosity.

"What's this you have here, at all?" said Mr. McKenna.

"'Tis an aisy way iv gettin' rich," said Mr. Dooley. "All ye have to
do is to dhrop a nickel in th' slot, an' three other nickels come out
at th' dure. Ye can play it all afthernoon, an' take a fortune fr'm it
if ye'er nickels hould out."

"And where do th' nickels come fr'm?" asked Mr. McKenna.

"I put thim in," said Mr. Dooley. "Ivry twinty minutes I feed th'
masheen a hatful iv nickels, so that whin me frinds dhrop in they
won't be dissypinted, d'ye mind. 'Tis a fine invistment for a young
man. Little work an' large profits. It rayminds me iv Hogan's big kid
an' what he done with his coin. He made a lot iv it in dhrivin' a
ca-ar, he did, but he blew it all in again good liquor an' bad women;
an', bedad, he was broke half th' time an' borrowin' th' other half.
So Hogan gets in Father Kelly fr'm up west iv th' bridge, an' they set
in with Dinnis to talk him out iv his spindthrift ways. 'I have plenty
to keep mesilf,' says Hogan, he says. 'But,' he says, 'I want ye to
save ye'er money,' he says, 'f'r a rainy day.' 'He's right, Dinnis,'
says th' soggarth,--'he's right,' he says. 'Ye should save a little in
case ye need it,' he says. 'Why don't ye take two dollars,' says th'
priest, 'an' invist it ivry month,' says he, 'in somethin',' says he,
'that 'll give ye profits,' says he. 'I'll do it,' says Dinnis,--'I
'll do it,' he says. Well, sir, Hogan was that tickled he give th'
good man five bones out iv th' taypot; b