nd amusement, jest
you stop and invest a penny in this little article I am now about to
introdooce to your notice, warranted to make yer proficient in the 'ole art
and practice of Photography in the small space of five seconds and a
arf--and I think you'll agree with me as it ain't possible to become an
expert photographer at a smaller expense than the sum of one penny. 'Ere I
'old in my 'and a simple little machine, consistin' of a small sheet of
glorss in a gilt frame. I've been vaccinated five 'underd-and-forty-one
times, never been bit by a mad dog in my life, and all these articles have
been thoroughly fumigated before leaving the factory, therefore you'll
agree with me you needn't be afraid o' catchin' the Inflooenza. They tell
me it's nearly died out now--and no wonder, with everythink a cure for
it--but this article is a _certain_ remedy. All you've got to do is to bite
off a corner of the glorss, takin' care to be near a public 'ouse at the
time, chew the glorss into small fragments, enter the public 'ouse, call
for a pot o' four ale, and drink it orf quick. It operates in this way--the
minoot portions of the glorss git between the jaws of the microbe,
preventin' 'im from closin' 'is mouth, and thereby enablin' you to
suffocate 'im with the four ale. (_To the Reader._) Will you allow me to
show you how this little invention takes a photograph, Sir? kindly 'old it
in your 'and, breathe on it, and look steadily on the plate for the space
of a few seconds. (_All of which the Reader, being the soul of courtesy,
obligingly does--and is immediately rewarded by observing the outline of a
donkey's head produced upon the glass._) Now if you'll 'and that round,
Sir, to allow the company to judge whether it ain't a correct likeness--
[_But here the Reader will probably prefer to pass on._

_Third S.C._ (_who is crouching on ground by a tin case, half covered with
a rug, and yelling_). Ow-ow-ow-ow!... Come an' see the wonderful little
popsy-wopsy Marmoseet, what kin tork five lengwidges, walk round, shake
'ands, tell yer 'is buthday, 'is percise age, and where he was keptured!

[_Crowd collects to inspect this zoological phenomenon, which--as soon
as an inconvenient Constable is out of hearing--reveals itself as an
illicit lottery. Speculators purchase numbered tickets freely; balls
are shaken up in the tin box--and the popsy-wopsy invariably gets
distinctly the best of it._

[Illustration: "I