se of outraged virtue far from Londonderry House.

So when next he goes where statues are, we'll do our best to hide them,
Since to prudes all things are prudish, lest his modesty take hurt.
Though some one else, perhaps, may write, and say he can't abide them,
When Apollo stands in trousers, or when Venus wears a skirt.

* * * * *

FROM ROBERT.--"Sir, I'm proud of my furrin co-profeshunal LHEROT, the
himminint Waiter, wot nobbled the bomb-ta-ra (hif I may so igspress my
sentimenx) waggybun, RAVACHOL. This Waiter is wot my french frend calls a
'_Tray bong Gassong_,' and the wunnerful manner the french Waiters has of
carryin a tray loded with drinkabels is worthy of the hippythep. He sez
orlso has is name, hinsted of LHEROT, ort to be andid down to posterittory
as 'L'HEROS'--wich word as rote down by hisself means 'The Hero.' He got a
1000 Franks, wich is rayther more nor wos ever got by one BOB."

* * * * *

[Illustration: A WAITING GAME.

THE OLD KEEPER. "GENTLY! GENTLY!--MY BEAUTY! I'LL SAY '_WHEN_'!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: REALLY PLEASANT!

SIX MILES FROM HOME, HORSE DEAD LAME, AWFULLY TENDER FEET, AND HORRIBLY
TIGHT BOOTS.]

* * * * *

MR. PUNCH'S BOAT-RACE NOVEL.

STONYBROKE.

CHAPTER I.

IT was the eve of the University Boat-Race. In the remote East the gorgeous
August sun was sinking to his rest behind the purple clouds, gilding with
his expiring rays the elevated battlements of Aginanwater Court, the
ancestral seat of His Grace the Duke of AVADRYNKE, K.C.B., G.I.N., whose
Norman features might have been observed convulsively pressed against the
plate-glass window of his alabaster dining-hall. There was in the
atmosphere a strange electric hush, scarcely broken by the myriad voices of
hoarse betting-men, raucously roaring out the market odds of "Fifty to one.
Oxbridge!" or "Two ponies to a thick 'un, Camford!" Well would it have been
for the Duke of AVADRYNKE had he never offered the hospitality of his
famous river-side residence to the Oxbridge Crew. But the Duke had the
courage of his ancient boating-race whose banner waved proudly upon the
topmost turret, bearing upon its crimson folds the proud family motto,
"_Dum Vivo Bibo_."

And the sun went down, and within Aginanwater Court the sounds of wild
revelry shook the massive beams.

CHAPTER II.

THE O