p."

* * * * *

A PROPHECY AS TO THE U.B.R.

When the Eights are reaching Chiswick,
One will give the other physic.

* * * * *

TWO DROMIOS.--One day last week at Highgate, a certain or uncertain WILLIAM
PEA, horsedealer, was summoned by the Police for furious driving. The
Police knew him well by sight, but not well enough, as he clearly proved
what _Mr. Weller Senior_ called "a alleybi." Evidently Mr. PEA has a
double, and "as like as two Peas" is peculiarly applicable in this case.
For if the other one isn't a Pea, he has been taken for one by the
Pee-lers.

* * * * *

QUESTION OF POLITENESS.--Except in the case of a man's father having been
"a big gun" at any time, to call anyone "a Son of a Gun," has hitherto been
considered a gross insult. Is it equally insulting to speak of a Lady as "a
Daughter of a Canon?"

* * * * *

AN EMPTY TRIUMPH.

(_A Story of Show Sunday._)

It was Show Sunday; lovers of Art were streaming in and out of every Studio
they could hunt up, fired with a laudable ambition to break the record by
the number they visited in the hours between luncheon and dusk.

[Illustration]

The residence of so rising a painter as TINTORETTO TICKLER was naturally a
place in which no person of any self-respect would neglect to be seen; and
on this particular afternoon the entrance-hall, sitting-rooms, and studio
were simply choked with an eager throng of friends, acquaintances, and
utter strangers; for TINTORETTO'S lavish hospitality was well known, and no
expense had been spared to give his guests as favourable an impression of
his talent as possible. A couple of knights, clad in complete steel--the
local greengrocer and an Italian model--took the guests' hats, and
announced their names; there were daffodils and azaleas in profusion; the
Red Roumanians performed national airs in the studio-gallery; Italian
mandolinists sang and strummed on the staircase, and, in the dining-room,
trim maid-servants, in becoming white caps and streamers, dispensed coffee,
claret-cup, and ices to a swarm of well-conducted social locusts.

Just outside his painting-room stood TINTORETTO TICKLER, at the receipt of
compliment, which was abundantly and cheerfully paid. Indeed, the torrent
of congratulation and delicately-expressed eulogy was almost overwhelming.
One lovely and enthusias