in the culinary arrangements,
and the relations between the Chef and the Waiters are apparently
strained. Enter an Egotistic Amphitryon, followed by a meek and
youthful Guest._

_The Egotistic Amphitryon_ (_concluding an harangue_). Well, all
_I_'ve got to say is I've been here half-an-hour--(_with a bitter
sense of the anomaly of the situation_)--waiting about for _You!!_
(_They seat themselves at one of the little tables under the
verandah._) Oh, you're going to sit _that_ side, are you? It's all the
same to me, except that there's a confounded draught here which--well,
you're young, and these things don't affect you--or oughtn't to.
(_They exchange sides._) We shall have to hurry our dinner now, if we
mean to hear anything of the music. That was the reason I expressly
told you seven sharp. Here, Waiter! (Waiter _presents a carte, and
stands by with a proud humility._) Now, what are you going to have?
(_To_ Guest.) You don't mind? I hate to hear a man say he doesn't care
what he eats--he _ought_ to care, he _must_ care. What do you say
to this--"Potage Bisque d'ecrivisses; Saumon Sauce Hollandaise;
Brimborions de veau farcis a l'imprevu; Ducklings and green peas; New
Potatoes; Salad"? Simple and, ah, satisfying. (_To_ Waiter.) Let us
have that as sharp as you can; do you hear?

[Illustration]

_Waiter_. Quick? Yes, I dell zem. [_He hurries off._

_The E.A._ Hang the fellow, he's forgotten the wine! (_To_ Guest.)
What will you drink?

_The Guest_ (_thinks it will look greedy if he suggests champagne_).
Oh--er--whatever _you're_ going to drink.

_The E.A._ Well, I'm going to have a glass of champagne myself. I want
it after all this worry. But if you prefer beer (_considerately_), say
so. (_The_ Guest, _in a spirit of propitiation, prefers beer._) Well,
we could have managed a bottle of Pommery between us, and it's never
so good to my mind in the pints--but please yourself, of course.
[_The_ Guest _feels that his moderation has missed fire, but dares
not retract; they sit in silence for some time, without anything of
importance happening, except that a strange Waiter swoops down and
carries away their bread-basket._

_A Meek Man_ (_at an adjoining table, who, probably for family
reasons, is entertaining his Sister-in-law, a lady with an aquiline
nose and remarkably thick eyebrows._) You know, HORATIA, I call this
sort of thing very jolly, having dinner like this in the fresh air,
eh? [_He rubs his hands under