the table._

_Horatia_ (_acidly_). It may be so, AUGUSTUS, when we _do_ have it. At
present we have been sitting here fifteen minutes, and had nothing but
fresh air and small flies, and, as I don't pretend to be a Chameleon
myself, why-- [_She fans herself vigorously._

_Augustus_. Well, you know, my dear, we were warned that the trout
_en papillotes_ might take some little time. I suppose (_with mild
Jocularity_)--it's a fashionable fish--wants to come in with a "little
head sunning over with curls," as the poet says.

_Horatia_. Please don't make jokes of that sort--unless you wish to
destroy the little appetite I have left!

_Augustus_ (_penitently_). Never mind--I won't do it again. Here 's
our Waiter at last. _Now_ we're all right! [_The_ Waiter _puts a dish
down upon another table, and advances with the air of a family friend
who brings bad tidings._

_Horatia_. Will you kindly let us have that trout at once?

_The Waiter_ (_bending down to_ AUGUSTUS _with pity and sympathy_).
Fery sory to dell you, esbecially after keebin you so long vaiting,
bot (_thinks how he can break it most gently_) ve haf zo many beople
hier to-day, and zey haf shust dold me in ze gitchen zere is no more
drout. Zis hote vedder ze drout, he vill nod stay!

_Augustus_ (_mildly_). No, of course not--well, let me see, now, what
can you--?

_The E.A._ Here, you Kellner, come here, can't you? What the--

_Waiter_ (_to_ AUGUSTUS). Von minute. I gom back bresently. (_To_
E.A.) You vant your pill, Sir, yes?

_The E.A._ (_exploding_). My bill! Confound it! I want something to
eat first. When is that Bisque coming?

_Waiter_. Ach, peg your bardon, ve haf peen so pusy all day. Your
Bisque vill pe retty diregly. I go to vetch him. [_He goes._

_Horatia_. Now we're farther off from getting any food than ever! I
suppose you mean to do _something_, AUGUSTUS?

_Augustus_. Of course--certainly. I shall speak very strongly.
(_Bleating_.) Waiter!

_Horatia_ (_with scorn_). _Do_ you imagine they will pay the least
attention to a noise like a sixpenny toy? Lot them see you _insist_
upon being obeyed.

_Augustus_. I am--I mean, I will--I am very much annoyed.
(_Fiercely_.) Wa-ai-ter!

_A Stern Waiter_ (_appearing suddenly_.) You vant somsing, Sir?

_Augustus_ (_apologetically_). Yes; we should--er--like something to
eat--anything--so long as you can bring it at once, if you don't mind.
"We--this Lady is rather in a hurry, and we've waited s