ass the
bottle, contrives to decant it into his host's soup._) Hullo, what
the--there--(_controlling himself_). You might have left me the
_soup_, at all events! Well--well--it's no use saying any more about
it. I suppose I shall get something to eat some day.

[_General tumult from several tables; appeals to the_ Waiters, _who
lose their heads and upbraid one another in their own tongue_;
HORATIA _threatens bitterly to go in search of buns and lemonade at
a Refreshment Bar. Sudden and timely appearance of energetic Manager;
explanations, apologies, promises. Magic and instantaneous production
of everybody's dinner. Appetite and anger appeased, as Scene closes
in._

N.B.--_Mr. Punch_ wishes it to be understood that the above sketch
is not intended as a reflection upon any of the deservedly popular
restaurants existing at present in either exhibition.

* * * * *

LEGAL AND MILITARY.--"Ancient Lights."--Retired Lancers.

* * * * *

[Illustration: PARLIAMENTARY NIGHT-BIRDS.]

* * * * *

MEDICINAL MUSIC.

(_A Growl from a "Quiet Street."_)

["There is a disposition just now to revive discussion upon
a very old subject, namely the curative influence of Music in
cases of mental and bodily disease."--_Daily Telegraph_.]

Curative Music? Just as well expect
An Influenza-cure from Demogorgon!
Some dolts there be, no doubt, who would detect
Anodyne influence in a barrel-organ;
A febrifuge in a flat German Band,
A prophylactic in a street-piano!
Some quackery a man _can_ understand,
But Music I'll _not_ take, even _cum grano_.
I don't believe what classic noodles say,
That Music stopped the haemorrhage of ULYSSES;
That CATO'S stiffened joints attained free play
From harmony of sounds. Such "rot" sense hisses.
I'd just as soon believe the Theban walls
Were twangled into place by young Amphion.
Bah! Minds made sane by Music's scrapes and squalls?
Not _mine_, though the lyre-thrumber were Arion.
Drums, trumpets, fiddles, organs--_all_ are bad.
And vocal fireworks are far worse than vanity.
Stop, though! _I_'m sane, and they just drive me mad;
So Music _may_ drive _idiots_ into sanity!

* * * * *

[Illustration: AT A SMOKING CONCERT.

_Distinguished Amateur_ (_with good Method but small Voice, suddenly
jumping up from